Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Quarterflash Tonight! Remember the "Harden My Heart" Video?

We try to make sense of Quarterflash's video for Harden My Heart.

Posted By on Wed, Jul 13, 2011 at 6:25 PM

Appearing at the new Alive After Five concert series in the Old Mill District tonight is Quaterflash. The show kicks off at 5pm and it's free.

Two things just happened when you read that first sentence. You either said, "Who the hell is Quarterflash?" or stood up and shouted "Yes! Quaterflash is playing!"

If you're still wondering who this Portland-based husband-and-wife duo is, the first few saxophone notes in the video below should clear that up pretty quickly. For those of you who don't understand the odd art of 1980s music video production, see below for a translation.

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Here's what happens in this video. First, our protagonist is stuck in her gross single-wide mobile home with wood paneling. But she also finds a little person (:21) mobster who shields her from the fire jugglers and acrobats trying to attack her.

Back in the single-wide, she picks a door that leads her to the mountains (1:06) of Afghanistan where she left her kid, who serves as her backup singer (to save some money). Soon, the kid multiplies into three kids (1:32), which is a good thing for harmonies and stuff like that.

Again, she returns to her crappy trailer because the kids were annoying the hell out of her and again she's troubled by which door to choose. Luckily, the next unlocked door leads to a warehouse (1:53) where she uses the sexiness of her saxophone to fuel four motorcycles.

(1:54-2:21) Saxophone and guitar solos. Also, a drummer arrives and smacks the motorcyclists on the head because they tried to mess with his chick.

It turns out one of the dudes on the motorcycle is a super nice guy, so she decides to dump the drummer, put on a tux (2:24) and go to the prom with this mysteriously helmeted dude. But on the way to the prom, she's sent back to the single-wide and remembers the good times she had with her kids (which she accidentally left in Afghanistan...whoops).

But then she escapes the trailer (3:30) just in time to see some sweet wheelies from the motorcycle dudes just before it's leveled because she hadn't paid the rent in three months and the landlord wanted the land for a strip club.

She rides off with her badass motorcycle date...who dumps her slightly out of frame (3:37) so he could come back and light the rubble of her trailer on fire, as to destroy the evidence of the meth lab she was running in there.

So yeah, to the best of my knowledge, that's what's happening here.

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