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A Tempest in a Pint Glass 


Good morning H. Bruce Miller

Again, you write us a thriller

With St Patrick's Day here

You criticize the beer

But like your comments it's all filler!

In this case, the cup lied to you, and you believed it. What kind of comparison is this when you have no consistency or baseline to your measurements?

A: You're comparing pints with different "head" on them. A half inch of head is damn near three ounces in one of those "shaker" glasses! Forget your geometry classes?


B: You measured BEER. I'm certain that when you poured your BEER into a plastic measuring cup, you did the perfect pour and kept the head to a minimum. Well BEER contains carbon dioxide GAS which changes the volume of the BEER as it escapes. Try using water.

C: I don't know about you, but when I walk into a fine beer establishment, I'd rather the entire floor not be sticky like the men's room at the Redmond Fairgrounds during a Sportsman's Show or motocross. I'm sure the proprietors would agree. This is why beer is poured a little short. It has to be transported into your staggering, swaying hand, and then rely upon you to not "party foul" and dribble like so many NW Crossing infants, or actually drop the glass. Durability is the reason for thicker glass. They still will hold a full pint of water.

D: When it comes to beer, I'm concerned with quality, not quantity. I buy beer at the establishments you mention for its flavor and the craftsmanship that went into it. I also go there for the atmosphere. Hanging out with a bunch of my friends and having a good time is what I'm after.

If I want to pound down a bunch of beer and count ounces to alcohol to price, "Well get me a rack o' Milwaukee's Beast and send me out Chinee Hat! We can turn around and shoot them cans and double the fun! Hell, the bottle return ain't worth the nickel anyhow, five cents gets me one .22 bullet!"

So Mr. Miller, to you I'll say:

The buzz that you have stirred up this way

It's gallon of crap

And after this slap

Enjoy a pint for St Patrick's Day!

Tim Holden

Miller replies:

By your argument I wasn't smitten

The point it was never quite hittin'

I measured the ale

Not the glass or the pail

So I'll stand by my story as written.

(And your poetry doesn't scan either.)

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