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Bowl Me Over: Copenhagen climate change, Tiger's troubles and the BS in the BCS 

Copenhagen climate change, Tiger's troubles and the BS in the BCS.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from the Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen, convincing attendees that everything's fine, no need to worry, and that President Obama isn't really president, on assignment for and The Source Weekly.

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No wonder our credit cards are about to be taken away. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) has declared himself a "one-man truth squad" while ambushing President Obama's trip to the Climate Change Summit in Copenhagen, mumbling repetitiously, "greatest hoax ever perpetrated... Every day something new comes out that debunks the science... " This is the same fine elected representative from Oklahoma (born in Iowa) who cites the Bible during major policy decisions (Jesus is a lobbyist for the petroleum and coal industries, if you didn't know) and has coined the term "Climategate," saying ever so respectfully at the Environment and Public Works Committee, "We won, you lost, now get a life." One ray of hope locally is Madeline (Moey) Newbold, a Redmond high grad, studying at the University of Oregon who raised enough money to send herself to Copenhagen where she is blogging about the summit at

"I believe my generation has the unique opportunity to save the world... at this pivotal moment, we have a window of opportunity. We can create the just, sustainable and prosperous future that we seek." Newbold wrote in advance of the summit.

Good on ya, Moey.

An Urban Myth Is Born

All praise the Huffington Post, an award-winning "aggregator" of news - meaning that the popular site doesn't employ journalists, rather monkeys who cut and paste others' scoops. You may have heard this story, and surely will hear it again: "HIV-Positive Man Injects Sleeping Wife With His Blood, Infecting Her." Click here to find out more! Spreading like herpes at a fraternity, this story does not name the HIV-Positive Man or Sleeping Wife - only vague court filings in New Zealand (though some versions claim it happened in Austria, or La Pine - kidding!). Put this one up there with Mikey and Pop-Rocks, the killer with a hook for a hand, climate change, suicides among soldiers and other myths.

Tiger Did What?

My Momma loves his red shirts and butt in those black pants. The strut and talent, Ambien and Vicodin addiction (as reported by CNN - always a respected source), multiple mistresses and, now, an unnamed woman (mother-in-law maybe, as of press time) taken from his home on a stretcher by paramedics at 2:36 a.m., Tuesday morning. My Momma doesn't believe any of it; Tiger's favorability ratings have fallen from 88 percent in June to 60 percent last week (with an astounding 1 percent saying they've never heard of him), and sure to plummet below Obama's 50% approval rating when his super-gay affair with tennis champ Roger Federer is also revealed (trust Mick, 500 texts a day between the two don't lie). Is Tiger our new OJ? A non-Caucasian star with a very blonde and bitter wife - Paging Judge Ito...

More Good News - Or Do You Want the Bad First?

Unemployment is so high in Central Oregon that only unemployment statisticians have jobs; still, with national unemployment at 10 percent there's hope for those of us who overpaid for advanced degrees. If you have a Bachelor's degree or higher, only 4.9% of your peers are starving. Amanda Knox will get free meals and shelter for the next 26 years, though, after being convicted of murdering her roommate Meredith Kercher; Knox is American and Kercher British, and both were studying in Perugia, Italy, until one was found in a pool of blood and throat slit on November 2, 2007. In other global Girls Gone Wild news: A 17-year-old American girl and three American boys have been arrested in Japan for stringing a rope across a road, killing a woman driving by on her motorbike; the four American teens are children of U.S. military personnel, much loved in Japan after several rapes of locals by soldiers stationed there. When asked, the Pentagon could not explain why any US troops are still stationed in Japan.

What You Say?

"Every strategic element is from the Bush doctrine. The tactics are from the Bush surge [in Iraq]," said Mary Matalin, GOP mouthpiece and wife of Dem blowhard James Carville. As West Point cadets pondered their first mission ("Oh sh*t! I was only here to study Alexander the Great and other movies starring Colin Farrell... ") the true consequences of 30,000 more troops in Afghanistan are hitting home with analysts confusing all of us, saying that Pakistan is really the key to winning the war on terrorism and avenging 9-11. Meanwhile, Robert Gates reassured all of us, saying, "We don't know for a fact where Osama bin Laden is. If we did, we'd go and get him."

Boise State #1!

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You know your football program is awesome when other major programs won't call you back. That's the problem at Boise State; the boys who play on blue turf are too badass to not snub. Instead of a true NCAA football championship playoff, we will have to watch several mismatch-ups this bowl season. Undefeated Boise State will play also unbeaten TCU in the Tostitos-Viagra Fiesta Bowl, then sigh as Alabama and Texas play in the newly coined "Pointless in Pasadena" BCS Championship.


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