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Cuffed and Stuffed Larry and His Flask gets railroaded in Ashland, Al Qaeda update, and the Palin 

Not a LAHFing Matter

click to enlarge Breaking the law!
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Breaking the law!Central Oregon seems to love Larry and His Flask, but the same can't be said for the Southern Oregon University campus security team, which sent the wheels of chaos in motion, resulting in three members of the punk-turned-rampaging-Americana act to jail for the Martin Luther King Jr. weekend.

As the band's multi-instrumentalist Dallin Bulkley tells it, the trouble started when bassist Jeshua Marshall was approached by a pair of SOU campus security guards who told him he was banned from the campus. This was news to Marshall and the rest of LAHF, who were in town on Saturday, Jan. 17 on tour opening a show for Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band and had never been told that they were not welcome on the campus where they've played previously.


After Jeshua refused to give the campus security guards his I.D., things got weird, Bulkley says, with five additional guards showing up and shouting that Marshall, Bulkley and drummer Jamin Marshall were "under arrest." Ashland police were called to the scene and Jamin, Jeshua and Bulkley were taken to jail, accused of trespassing, disorderly content and harassment, where they remained for three days due to the holiday weekend.

Now free and back on tour in California, the band is still confused as to how they were "trespassing" at a venue where they had a show booked.

"No one talked to us specifically. We heard through some other people that they didn't want us there, but we basically heard that through the grapevine," Bulkley says.

Our Best, Our Brightest, Our Biggest Fearmongerers

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How silly of Americans to think they can simply elect Barack Obama and close Gitmo! Just ask the Pentagon: Hours before Obama was inaugurated as President and Commander in Chief, several "Defense" and "Intelligence" officials took it upon themselves to leak a classified report that 62 detainees released from Guantanamo Bay have "returned to terrorist activities." Taking advantage of a very lame duck George W. Bush, or taking his lead in leaking classified materials over the past eight years, the report - which, gracefully, won't be made fully available even after calls from Congress to explain such a timely and devastating leak - says that former-detainee No. 372 (now known to be Said Ali Al-Shihri) has reemerged since being released to Saudi Arabia in 2007 as a deputy commander of Al Qaeda in Yemen. Hmmm, it makes one wonder: If we know where and what he's up to, why is Al Shihri still breathing? Sounds like high time for retirements en masse of brass. Oh, and another leak, that Barack Obama is now Commander in Chief. Until then, spend our hundreds of billions wisely, General Chaos!

Other Political Fodder

Wink! In case you haven't heard enough profundity from Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, SarahPac has been started to "support local and national candidates who share Gov. Palin's ideas and goals for our country..." and intended to be "a strong voice for energy independence and reform." SarahPac is already overwhelmed by copies of "all of" the newspapers and magazines the deep-thinking Palin reads, as well as bribes, err, political donations from energy companies eager to sully Alaska. On the subject of deep-thinking Governors, Rod Blagojevich ignored his own impeachment trial in Illinois in favor of doing the media circuit in New York. Of course he'll be impeached - Illinois isn't that corrupt, or is it? The sound-bite extraordinaire - [Obama's Senate Seat is a] "valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing" - tried to plead his case to the ladies of The View, adding with deep introspection that he'd considered Oprah Winfrey to replace Obama. Awww! Give the guy a break, who doesn't love the big O?

The Trials of Ted

Ted Haggard, remember Ted? The evangelical leader of tens of thousands in Colorado, who was outed by his male escort for smoking more than Meth - He's back! The very man who succeeded Ted, Pastor Brady Boyd, said there is an "overwhelming pool (ick!) of evidence" that Ted was also spreading the love with a young male church volunteer. Interestingly, this information surfaced (double ick!) as Haggard was preparing to be interviewed on HBO about his time in exile. Equally interesting is Haggard's statement that he "was certain the man was of legal age when it began."

Die Rabbit Die

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On a mournful note, we lost author John Updike this week to lung cancer at the age of 76. One of our most prolific and honest writers, Updike gave us the Rabbit series, as well as The Witches of Eastwick - which he followed up with The Widows of Eastwick late last year. Still publishing from the grave, My Father's Tears and Other Stories will be released this year, but sadly, most will remember John Updike as the ghostwriter of Krusty the Klown's autobiography on an episode of The Simpsons. Faking It

WTF?

What is it with the recent trend of lip-synching at monumental events? Upfront noted this problem last summer at the Summer Games when Chinese officials trotted out a ringer to sing the "Ode to the Motherland." News of the trickery was met with disdain in the States. But that didn't stop Barack Obama's inauguration team for staging its own bait-and-switch at last Tuesday's inauguration when a quartet featuring famed cellist Yo Yo Ma and violinist Itzhak Perlman faked their performance in the Lincoln Mall because it was "too cold."

Now, Upfront wasn't among the millions who made the pilgrimage to D.C. for the swearing in ceremony, but if we had we couldn't help but feel a little duped. The perfomers, of course, have defended their decision to lip-synch, drawing a line between themselves and the likes of Milli Vanilli and Ashlee Simpson - after all they really can play. But, seriously, have we as a society become so scripted and sanitized that we can't tolerate one mistake, or bear one sour note? WTF. Robert Frost is rolling in his grave.

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