Halloween is no doubt the best American holiday. It is impossible to explain to foreigners our passion for wearing panties in public with little ears and platform high-heeled shoes. Children love it because they get to wear costumes, go to parties, and of course, get plenty of free candy. Adults love it because it means getting to escape who they really are, drink until they are silly and hide behind a sexier, more tawdry version of themselves. Nothing is sacred on Halloween night, even Big Bird has been turned into a trampy female transvestite for the sake of having the snarkiest outfit of the evening.
But something magical happens when the bar is only lit by jack-o-lanterns, pirate booty coins are spraying down from above, and a nine-foot werewolf is dancing with an exotic pulsating pink-glowing jellyfish. The crowd begins moving as one and energy is transferred from one Teletubby to another. It is a night when Sarah Palin slips Barack Obama the tongue and Flo the Progressive Insurance Girl gets felt up by The Geico Gecko.
Time stops and all one can feel is the reverb of bass resonating through their soul. It is a small escape from their unpaid property tax bills and all the other woes and ills that go along with having to face life without a mask on.
Divine Delusion
"Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing."
Add ice, stir, and just make sure to put it in a really pretty glass.
