Rejoice, citizens of Bend, the great goose harvest is back. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has provided us with an annual bounty of delicious, sustainable, organic meat. With proper management, we can all rest easy knowing that local food banks can receive an influx of nourishment every year, right when they need it most, the dead of winter. Given how recently we collected our last crop of geese, it’s encouraging to see how quickly the numbers have bounced back. Canada (socialist) geese are a thoroughly unendangered species, with no rights, trans fat or aversion to repopulating the killing fields (Drake Park).
Though many unwashed local hippies protested the last “massacre,” we’ve been blessed with yet another overabundance of these cuddly poop factories. I’ve even had the privilege of hearing some of the non-lethal, non hunger-abating solutions to the “problem.” I get the impression that these non-lethal solutions are superior to the lethal option only because they don’t involve killing things. Unfortunately for our freegan neighbors, many of us are able to associate the meat we eat with the act of killing, while suffering no loss of appetite. So while you may feel free to protest, demonstrate and wail over the plight of these dirty, dangerous animals, fear not: The problem will be solved both for, and in spite, of you.