I've spoken at annoying lengths about how Aquaman is the worst superhero in the universe. [Short version? A) Talking to fish serves absolutely no purpose unless I'm able to talk them into my mouth. B) With the small exception of Somali pirates, 98.99% of all crime happens on LAND. And C) Aquaman's Boooooooooooooring!! End of short version.] HOWEVER! I rarely if ever talk about the second most worst superhero in the universe, Green Lantern - and I'm about to correct this grievous error.
While not nearly as terrible as Aquaman, Green Lantern is moderately to mostly terrible. Long version: A) He gets his powers from a ring. Why not a butterfly hairclip? B) His weakness is the color "yellow." My weakness is the color "chartreuse" - especially when paired with white loafers and a floral scarf tied around the neck. In other words, Green Lantern can use his ring to move the moon out of its orbit, but he can't capture the Gorton's Fisherman? THAT'S BULL-POOP, MY FRIENDS!
C) There are 50,000 other "Green Lanterns" scattered across the galaxy as well - because obviously the writers of this comic needed to make him even less special. And D) He's Boooooooooooooring!! (Which made boooooooooooooring Ryan Reynolds the best choice to star in the boooooooooooooring Green Lantern movie.)
On the upside, Green Lantern has a kick ass costume, and I bet it gets him plenty of tail. And even if the tail didn't like his costume, he could be like, "Whatever, baby!" and conjure up a near exact look-alike with his ring who would say things like, "Oooh, baby! You look so sexy in that costume! And your ring doesn't strike me as feminine at all! Here's my tail!"
Aquaman doesn't get any tail. Because he smells like fish. (Whale tail or blowholes don't count.)
Anyway! Green Lantern has been having a tough time of it lately thanks to that piece of crap movie starring boooooooooooooring Ryan Reynolds, so he's due for something good to happen that doesn't necessarily involve a sweet piece of tail. And that "something good" is a brand new animated series appropriately entitled, Green Lantern: The Animated Series! And while it won't start officially until Spring 2012, Cartoon Network is giving us a special one hour sneaky peek/series premiere this coming Friday, November 11 at 7 pm. And for a show that features the second worst superhero in the universe? It ain't half bad!
It's produced by cartoony genius Bruce Timm (the mastermind behind Batman: The Animated Series and its Superman counterpart) but unlike the traditional animation Timm employed in earlier toons, Green Lantern is all CGI - with a very similar visual style to Pixar's The Incredibles. Another plus? Snappy writing. Gone are the days of Green Lantern's boring honky talk; here GL is brash, cracking wise, and consistently flirting with any tail in sight (even if that tail belongs to a computer).
As far as Green Lantern updates go, The Animated Series is a fun, and often exciting addition - which means his status as "second worst superhero" has been upgraded to number three on my list. (Aqualad? That means you're number two. Go bone a blowhole.)
Put a ring on it. Follow me on Twitter! @WmSteveHumphrey
