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Our Fresh Straight Poop Is Always Rated AAAAA+ 

Our Fresh Straight Poop Is Always Rated AAAAA+

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Monday, Aug. 1

Playing kick the can: House passes debt ceiling bill containing $2.3 trillion in spending cuts, no revenue increases; sends it on to Senate ... Sources say Vice President Joe Biden accuses Tea Party Republicans of "acting like terrorists" in debt ceiling negotiations ... Look who's calling names: Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin says US is "like a parasite" on global economy ... Covering the tracks: Technology firm HCL tells British government it deleted hundreds of thousands of emails for Rupert Murdoch's News International Corp. ... Clean getaway: FBI says it's zeroing in on suspect who could be D.B. Cooper, who hijacked airliner and parachuted into Washington woods with $200,000 cash ransom in 1971. One problem: The suspect has been dead 10 years.

Tuesday, Aug. 2

Just wait'll next time: Senate passes debt ceiling bill and President Obama signs it, promises in future he'll push for tax increases on rich to help trim deficit. No, really, he will, honest ... Stock market unimpressed; Dow plunges 265 points ... The pie wasn't loaded: British comedian Jonathan May-Bowles, aka "Jonnie Marbles," gets 15 months in the clink for shoving foam pie into Rupert Murdoch's face ... It's a tweet life: Peacock escapes from Central Park Zoo, roosts on ledge of posh Fifth Avenue apartment building, becomes Twitter sensation in NYC ... In related development, social networking search firm PeekYou reports 92 percent of GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich's claimed 1.3 million Twitter followers appear to be fake. Maybe he can borrow some of the peacock's.

Wednesday, Aug. 3

More Bend weirdness: Marla Wynn Cooper of Oklahoma City, OK says D.B. Cooper was her uncle and he's buried in Bend under the name Lynn D. Cooper. Maybe grave could become another tourist attraction ... Has anybody not been hacked yet? Heather Mills, ex-girlfriend of Paul McCartney, says she was told by editor at Britain's Mirror Group of newspapers that her voicemails to Sir Paul were hacked ... Computer security firm McAfee says it uncovered "Operation Shady RAT," cyber-espionage operation that hacked more than 70 governments and organizations; China suspected ... Put down the turkey burger and step away from the table: Meat producer Cargill recalls 26 million pounds of ground turkey linked to 77 cases of salmonella including one fatal ... Where every day is a bad hair day: "The Beehive," salon in Wasilla, AK where Sarah Palin gets her famous "up-do," to be focus of documentary by TLC. Title: "Big Hair Alaska."

Thursday, Aug. 4

Panic in The Street: Stocks take worst dive in two years as Dow Jones Industrial Average plunges more than 512 points ... A plague on both houses: NY Times/CBS News Poll finds 82 percent of Americans disapprove of performance of Congress, worst rating on record ... Too much big love: Texas jury convicts polygamist leader Warren Jeffs of child sex abuse involving 15-year-old and 12-year-old girls ... Everybody gets into the hack: Sir Paul McCartney says he "apparently" had his phone hacked, will talk to British authorities about it ... It was a good run: Comedian Jerry Lewis, 85, says he won't host Muscular Dystrophy Association Labor Day telethon anymore. He started in 1966 ... Looking good in orange: Former Oregon anti-tax activist Bill Sizemore pleads guilty to tax evasion, gets 30 days in jail, three years' probation, 100 hours of community service.

Friday, Aug. 5

Twisting in the wind: For first time in the 70 years it's been giving ratings, Standard & Poor's downgrades credit rating of US from AAA to AA+ ... In brighter news, US unemployment rate drops to 9.1 percent in July ... Circling the drain: US Postal Service reports $3.1 billion loss in third quarter, expects to lose $9 billion this fiscal year ... Mr. Bean's wild ride: British comic Rowan Atkinson, aka Mr. Bean and Blackadder, cracks up his $1 million McLaren F1 sports car, suffers minor injury ... This had to happen: Lady GaGa in talks to play the late Amy Winehouse in biopic, reports Britain's Daily Star tabloid.

Saturday, Aug. 6

Blame game: Republican presidential candidates Mitt Romney and John Huntsman say Obama's responsible for S&P downgrade of US credit rating. Hmm, didn't S&P say something about Republicans not being willing to raise taxes? ... White House spokesman says both sides must "work together to tackle our major fiscal and economic challenges" ... God 'n' politics: Texas governor and likely GOP presidential hopeful Rick Perry hosts "national day of prayer." "Father, our heart breaks for America," he intones ... We ain't the only ones with problems: 200,000 Israelis march in Tel Aviv to protest high prices and unemployment ... No more nukes: Japanese Prime Minister Naoto Kan, in Hiroshima on 66th anniversary of atom bomb attack, says Japan must end reliance on nuclear power.

Sunday, Aug. 7

Somebody get a tourniquet: Sources say European Central Bank will take strong measures to stop fiscal hemorrhaging of Euro nations ... US Treasury official slams S&P for downgrading US credit rating, says analysis was "poorly and hastily done" ... Head for high ground: China evacuates 610,000 as Typhoon Muifa bears down on Shanghai ... Worth another shot? Republican Chris Dudley, who lost the governorship to John Kitzhaber by one percentage point, says he might run for office again, someday ... Score one for the apes: "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" grosses $54 million on opening day, $20 million more than predicted.


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