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"Our President the Dog" 

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The author is reporting for Roanoke Island, N.C., pondering love, liberty and labor at "The Lost Colony."

Hermann gets french fries and gravy on his dinner; Greta gets put on the back porch during prepping to prevent her from mounting a chair and rolling around kitchen, crazy yellow eyes scanning the counter as her gray snout slobbers. Stu is rather bemused by his Weimaraner cousins, content with a bowl of kibble and dose of Regain for his arthritis, floppy ears firm as Hermann whines for a walk and Greta yawns in confusion. Dogs are treated like Saudi royalty (men at least) at my cousins' home in Virginia, yet the same can't be said for minorities like our President.

"Some powerful interests who had been dominating the agenda in Washington for a very long time and they're not always happy with me. They talk about me like a dog," offered President "Where's the economy?" Obama very off-handedly to a union gathering in Milwaukee this week.

Not only has the election of an African-American led to universal healthcare and the end of military operations in Iraq, but mass constipation among conservatives, racists included. The post of President of the United States is indeed being disrespected and maltreated like, well, a dog. Or an African-American in pre-Civil Rights South, but Obama can't say such things. Rush "Got Any Pills?" Limbaugh can rant hate-speak with the best of them, though, first calling Obama an "Affirmative Action Candidate" then adding after the elections that, "They're [African-Americans] 12 percent of the population. Who the Hell cares?"

Suddenly chic racists defaming our most honored elected office makes the death of Jefferson Thomas this week all too apt. For those too quick to forget or rewrite our nation's history, Thomas was one of nine black kids who braved protestors and threats (including those from Arkansas' Governor) to dare attend Little Rock High School in 1957.

Comparatively, Obama's plight is cake, especially when further contrasted against former British Prime Minister Tony "Bush's Bitch" Blair's. "A Journey to the Dentist" is Blair's new book, an imagined account of how invading Iraq was the right thing to do after 9-11, with the only hint of honesty being that he drinks too much: A stiff cocktail before dinner and half-bottle of wine during (adjusted for any politician this equates to a fifth of Jack Daniels followed by a case of Mad Dog 20/20). Hounded by protestors, Blair had to cancel a book signing in London; basically, the former Prime Minister is welcome anywhere but in Britain.

Equally unwelcome are the 50 members of the Dove World Outreach Center, a religious cult based out of a short-bus in Florida that is threatening to burn the Quran on Saturday, the 9th anniversary of 9-11. This fine act of peace and love is in full accordance with The Book of John 666:66: "And Jesus spoke to the people of the citrus state, let ye only read my words and use all others' for kindling." Non-profit groups that hide behind the 1st Amendment while passing a plate of hate hardly help our troops abroad, with General David Petraeus saying the burning of Islam's holy book "could endanger troops and it could endanger the overall effort in Afghanistan."

Speaking of idiots, BP has had its disastrous Deep Water Horizon equipment confiscated by the FBI as crime scene evidence. So, while investigators study the kill switch that allowed the biggest oil spill since Prince washed his hair clean of Jheri Curl, let's hope the company's false leak estimates (anywhere between 2,000 and 12 million barrels) are included in the prosecution. Other propaganda also includes the viral rumor that microbes are eating all of the spilled oil still under the Gulf. Yes there are microbes/bugs that live on natural oil plumes on the ocean floor, but they can't equal a family of future diabetics at an all-you-can-eat buffet, as somewhat explained by Dr. Terry Hazen of the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory: "They [the microbes] could account for some of it. Certainly, a lot of it could be diluting out. There's some strong currents down there too. But they're active down there." NOTE: BP will give Berkeley $500 million over ten years for such research, and appearances on NPR.

Sure not to help Democrats' chances of reelection is their universal ineptitude and Obama's skin color. Nor will a $1.25 billion discrimination settlement with black farmers who were discriminated against by federal loan officers for years. Initially settled in 1999, then reopened because many black farmers missed the filing deadline, this overdue IOU is unwanted ammunition far too close to a toxic election.


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