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Serving Up the Straight Poop Since 2011 

Monday,

Jan. 24

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Terrorism far and near: Terrorist blast rips main Moscow airport; 35 reported killed, 168 injured ... Anti-government fanatics Bruce Turnidge and son Joshua are formally sentenced to death for 2008 bank bombing in Woodburn, OR that killed two police officers and maimed a third. Bruce Turnidge says prosecution is trying to stifle his "freedom of speech" ... Guess the calisthenics worked: Fitness pioneer Jack LaLanne, whose popular TV show from the early 1950s to mid-1980s first made it fashionable to sweat, dies at 96 ... Say what? Green Bay Packers Safety Charles Woodson tells President Obama - who said he would go to the Super Bowl if his beloved Chicago Bears were in it - that if Obama "don't want to come watch us at the Super Bowl, guess what? We're going to see him." Wonder how the Secret Service will interpret that.

Tuesday, Jan. 25
Say what again? President Obama delivers State of the Union address, says this is America's new "Sputnik moment." Millions of Americans born after 1960 race to Wikipedia to look up "Sputnik" ... Tea Party sweetheart Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) delivers her own rebuttal to the SOTU, replete with gaffes and miscues, including not knowing which camera to look at ... Ho-hum: Office of Special Counsel reports George W. Bush administration flagrantly broke federal election laws, using tax dollars to fund political activities. Silence from the punditocracy is deafening ... Whacko Watch: Cindy Jacobs, a rising star among right-wing evangelicals, posts video blaming mass bird and fish deaths on Congress's repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."


Wednesday, Jan. 26
Still crazy in Arizona: State Rep. Judy Burgess has introduced a bill to require all US presidential candidates to produce proof of native-born US citizenship to get on the Arizona ballot. Hey, once you get hold of a good bogus issue, why drop it? ... Hosni must go: Thousands of demonstrators clash with police in streets of Cairo demanding ouster of President Hosni Mubarak; Mubarak cracks down ... The most unkindest bite: Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH) sues House cafeteria over a sandwich that he claims contained an olive pit that cracked a tooth; seeks $150,000 ... Grab it before your voice changes, kid: Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne to team up to make Super Bowl ad for Best Buy; Bieber reportedly making somewhere north of $1 million. "Justin Bieber is hotter than hot," a consultant says ... Poetic justice: Hacker strikes Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's page, posts message: "Let the hacking begin: If Facebook needs money, instead of going to the banks, why doesn't Facebook let its users invest in Facebook in a social way."
Thursday, Jan. 27
Freedom is contagious: Anti-government protests spread to Yemen; Egypt's government shuts down the Internet and puts opposition leader, Nobel Prize winner Mohamed ElBaradei, under house arrest ... And pigs may fly: City of Bend says it may make $7.5 million profit from Juniper Ridge land. Of course that's only if it can sell the land at twice the current going rate ... Unconventional wisdom: New study finds having an abortion doesn't put women at risk of mental health problems, but having a baby does. Erma Bombeck said it: "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children" ... Amazingly, he spelled "moron" right: California State Sen. Leland Yee gets threatening racist faxes from Rush Limbaugh dittohead for demanding that Rush apologize for mocking the Chinese language during President Hu Jintao's visit; one fax calls Lee a "JoBama Rectum Sniffing Moron" ... Have G-string, will travel: Night club manager John Walsh says Dallas is in urgent need of 10,000 strippers to meet expected Super Bowl week demand. This reporter intends to stay on top of the story.
Friday, Jan. 28
Middle East in eruption: Tens of thousands of angry protesters rioting and looting in Cairo ... Peaceful protests in Yemen turn violent as demonstrators and police clash ... Another date for this reporter's favorite couple: Trial of Kevin and Tami Sawyer on federal fraud charges put off until December; defense says it needs more time ... More information than we needed: Dennis Kucinich settles lawsuit with House cafeteria out of court, puts out press release describing his dental ordeal in excruciating detail ... Drying out: Hard-partying Charlie Sheen checks into rehab in LA; CBS puts production of "Two and a Half Men" on hold; porn actress and sometime Sheen companion Kacey Jordan says she's "very happy that Charlie decided to get some help" ... Suitable for framing: Hoping to raise a little cash and also appease the "birthers," Hawaii legislature considers bill that would allow anybody to buy a copy of President Obama's birth certificate for $100.
Saturday, Jan. 29
Bringing it home: More than 100 killed as violence escalates in Cairo; in Washington, DC and Boston, hundreds gather to demand resignation of Mubarak ... The bullet dodged: Cascade Bancorp (Bank of the Cascades) announces it's managed to raise $177 million in new investment, putting it into "well capitalized" position ... Off we go into the wild blue yonder: Five US Air Force Academy cadets expelled and 25 others under investigation for using "Spice," a synthetic marijuana not to be confused with "Old Spice" ... Not exactly an expert: Following student protests, Washington University decides not to pay Bristol Palin $20,000 to give a speech on the virtues of sexual abstinence.
Sunday, Jan. 30
Pulling out: United States and other nations bringing their nationals home from Egypt as rioting escalates in Cairo ... Donning the cape: Warner Bros. announces Henry Cavill, a relative unknown, will play Superman in movie due out in December 2012. Here's hoping he escapes the Curse of Superman that befell George Reeve, Christopher Reeves, Margot Kidder and Marlon Brando ... Billionaires get buzzed: A green blimp hired by Greenpeace and emblazoned with the slogan "Koch Brothers Dirty Money" hovers over Rancho Mirage, CA, where the Tea Party sugar daddies are holding annual strategy session with fellow plutocrats.

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