Around 1994, I was at the peak of my career as a smut peddler, delivering videos and magazines to East Bay liquor stores for all to consume. At Zero Distribution, we handed out Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler and Jugs (to name a few), but we also handled the XXX-rated stuff. Spending Friday afternoons in the warehouse putting stickers over naughty bits was, believe me, a full-time job.
Some of the funniest and most hideous pictures crossed my eyes in those days, sometimes taking weeks to erase completely. I eventually became head of the video department due to my love of film and the fact that I doubled over with laughter at some of the titles. I always envisioned a bunch of serious dudes in suits at a big conference table debating over the titles. "No! I say we call it 'Smack my Wobblers!'"
I have favorite titles, such as Fatal Erection, then there are the ones that are impossible to print here that just literally and graphically illustrate the sexual shenanigans going on like... well, you get the idea. A labor of love for sure, but some were too disgusting even for my whacky sensibilities. Personally, porn does little for me. But I always figured: to each his, or her, own arousal. Everyone's got their own hidden or blatant desires, closeted fantasies that need to be turned into just rewards, or in some cases, just desserts.
I sometimes clashed with the store owners I delivered to because they wanted me to share their tastes. I guess fanaticized sexual debauchery needs company, too. There was Ravi, who wanted he/she tapes and then there was a huge guy in a turban that liked girl-on-girl. Sometimes guys with the special gay order came in with a wink and others chose the proverbial "I have this friend who likes... " excuse.
At the time, I was working in theater, with the editing machine for my independent film career sitting stagnant. I had this idea to write a farce about porn stars who just have to act. No sex. Despite the hideous porn acting, there are some ingenious sub plots to get the characters into the sack, or onto the coffee table, office desk, torture rack... My idea was that every time they just about get to the smutty tomfoolery they are interrupted, leaving the audience and characters stuck with the bad acting. So I decided to take some of the porn movies we had and edit out all the sex and just have a movie with bad dialogue and horrendous acting.
Then, I got to thinking, what if I threw in an explosion here, an evil-masked glove there, maybe a crazy scene from another movie and some bloody gory mayhem from a horror flick, hmmm... maybe some Butthole Surfers music would go good behind this visual ... and before I knew it, my current art form of Onslaught videos was born. What's an Onslaught, you ask? Well, I take lesser-known movies and combine clips of action, gore, sex, bad dialogue, insane rock music and schmaltzy TV thems and insert mind-numbingly fast edits that blaze directly into your retinas. These ran for three years on a Manhattan cable network and I still receive fan mail.
So I guess you could say smut/porn led me to one of the biggest loves and passions I have - an uncompromisingly creative and innovative video art form. I am currently on my 27th installment, and yes they are X-rated.
A (severely edited)
List of My
Favorite Titles:
Raiders of the Lost Ass
Forrest Hump
Pulp Friction
Sandwich of Love
Hitler Sucks
The Dickheads
Tea Bagger Vance
Dude, Where's My Dildo?
Shaving Ryan's Privates
On Golden Blonde
Romancing the Bone
White Men Can't Hump
Breast Side Story
