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Underwater Pot and Dim Knights 

Left Field doesn't really give a damn about Michael Phelps taking a bong hit. And we're pleased that so many others don't care either. After Kellogg's (the cereal and snack company that also employs other cereal peddlers like Tony the Tiger, as well as Snap, Crackle and Pop) decided not to renew Phelps' sponsorship contract, the blogs have lit up with voices decrying Kellogg's seemingly silly actions.

There are even online petitions that have gathered a few thousand signatures from individuals pledging to boycott Kellogg's products. Here's an excerpt from one particularly hilarious petition: "The Kellogg's has profited for decades on the food tastes of marijuana using Americans with the munchies. In fact, we believe that most people over the age of twelve would not eat Kellogg's products were they not wicked high."

And for all those feigning outrage over Phelps smoking some pot under the guise of "What will we tell our children?" Saturday Night Live's Seth Myers answered that for us last weekend's show.

"Parents, if your kid says 'Michael Phelps smokes pot, why can't I?' Just say, 'You can. Right after you win 12 gold medals for your country,'" Myers said.

On a completely unrelated subject, we'd like to say that Bob Knight very well might be college basketball's version of Dustin Hoffman's Rain Man. Judging from the ESPN-televised games on which we've heard him mumble as a commentator, it seems that the legendary coach has managed to master the X's and O's of the game without paying attention to any team other than his own.

During Saturday night's Memphis vs. Gonzaga matchup, Knight seemed only tangentially familiar with either team's lineup or history - repeatedly saying "Memphis State." He fumbled other facts and names, seeming wholly disinterested in the game itself. Knight was brilliant when diagramming a play - but other than that, he was not only clueless, but also pretty much a dickhead.

Dear, ESPN: A good coach doesn't always make a good commentator, and vice versa. Oh and while we have you, please silence Dicky V's microphone. His commentary is starting to sound like a bad Mad Lib.


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