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Your Complete Weekly Dump of Straight Poop 

Scoop Lewis covers the weeks most news worthy events.

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Monday, Feb. 7

Bloody Cairo: At least 297 people have been killed in Egypt’s anti-government uprising, according to Human Rights Watch … Must’ve been a slow news day: Glenn Beck rips into Super Bowl players for not standing with their hands over their hearts when Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem. This reporter had both hands over his ears … More scary Mayan Calendar stuff: Reported shark attacks worldwide were up 25% in 2010; shark expert calls it “hugely unusual” … Getting off easy: Prosecutors say no charges will be filed against Lindsay Lohan for allegedly swiping a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store.

Tuesday, Feb. 8

Quick, get the Raid! NYC critics savage trouble-plagued,  multimillion-dollar musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark; NY Times’s Ben Brantley calls it a “seriously depressing disaster” … Revolution, cont’d.: Despite rumors the uprising against President Hosni Mubarak is dying down, huge new protests break out in Egypt … With “friends” like these: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg seeks restraining order against Pradeep Manukonda, who he claims has been stalking him … Hijinks on the high seas: Those zany Somali pirates strike again, boarding and capturing an Italian oil tanker in the Indian Ocean … Balancing the books: Citing “the unprecedented, rapidly changing nature of the book industry,” Powell’s Books, the venerable bibliophile’s sanctuary, announces it’s laying off 31 employees at its stores in the Portland area.


Wednesday, Feb. 9

Good luck with that: US sends VP Joe Biden to plead for a “prompt, meaningful, peaceful, and legitimate transition” as waves of strikes erupt all over Egypt … Battling back: US Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) speaks for first time since being shot through the brain in Tucson on Jan. 8 … Family values: US Rep. Christopher Lee (R-NY) resigns after revelations come to light that he sent topless photo of himself to a Maryland woman on Craigslist … Helluva pickup line: Picasso’s portrait of his 17-year-old mistress sells for $36 million in London. When the master, then 45, first met her in Paris, he reportedly said: “I am Picasso. You and I are going to do great things together” … Oopsie: Prosecutors decide to charge Lindsay Lohan with felony grand theft after all; she pleads not guilty … Send in the spin doctors: Spider-Man producers blast critics for reviewing the show before its official opening. “This pile-on by the critics is a huge disappointment,” a spokesman says.


Thursday, Feb. 10

Hell no, he won’t go: Mubarak cedes power to his vice president but refuses to resign or leave Egypt. Protesters are not happy … It just keeps coming: Yet another humongous snowstorm strikes the eastern half of the country, mainly the South. Meanwhile, Bend continues to bask in spring-like sunshine and warmth … There’s gold in them thar tweets: Experts cited by Wall Street Journal place value of Twitter at an incredible $8 billion to $10 billion … Bad lieutenant? Redmond Police Lt. Larry Prince, a 16-year veteran of the force, charged with stealing and selling guns from the department’s armory … Squashed? NY Post quotes source close to Spider-Man as saying the $67 million (and counting) musical “is dead.” “The ticket brokers … are sitting on stacks of unsold seats through April,” story says  … Insult added to injury: Maureen O’Connor, the woman who outed Christopher Lee, offers advice to Lee’s wife: “Go get tested.” Oh, BURN!


Friday, Feb. 11

Hell yes, he will: Egyptian dictator Mubarak does a 180, announces resignation, hands reins of government over to military junta. Democracy at last? We’ll see … The South shall rise again, and again, and again: Mississippi chapter of Sons of Confederate Veterans wants state to issue license plate honoring Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest, Confederate cavalry commander and founder of the Ku Klux Klan. “Seriously? Wow,” says state NAACP President Derrick Johnson … Dissension in the ranks: Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld get heckled at Conservative Political Action Conference; the former VP is hit with taunts of “Draft dodger!” and “Where’s Bin Laden?” … The guy gets around: Former Wikileaks spokesman Daniel Domscheit-Berg reveals in forthcoming book that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange liked to “boast about how many children he had fathered in various parts of the world,” and that he’s verified at least four.


Saturday, Feb. 12

Party on! Egyptians still celebrating the ouster of Mubarak Mideast pro-democracy fervor spreads to Algeria, where troops of President Abdelaziz Bouteflika crack down on demonstrators seeking reforms … Less welcome fallout: Gasoline prices in US spike to highest level ever in mid-February, thanks to uproar in Mideast and cold winter here … The Ugly Oregonian: Oregon Senate Minority Leader Ted Ferrioli (R-John Day), replying to plea from Greek animal rights advocate not to take wolves off the endangered list, writes: “You are delusional if you believe U.S. elected officials will bow to activist pressure from outside our borders. … By the way, perhaps I should be writing to EU ministers to stop bailing out Greece. Clearly it has become a haven for morons. Go away!” Yep, Ted’s a class act all the way.


Sunday, Feb. 13

The silvery dress of Selena Gomez, girlfriend of Justin Bieber, is a hit at Grammy Awards ceremony. Niki Minaj’s leopard costume also impresses, as does Katy Perry’s pair of angel wings. Lady Gaga is carried into the ceremony inside a large plastic egg. In other action, some music awards are handed out … Ted Ferrioli says he’s sorry he insulted Greeks, issues statement offering “my sincere apology to the citizens of Greek extraction wherever they may reside.” But he still doesn’t think much of wolvesEgypt’s ruling military junta dissolves parliament, pledges democratic elections; protesters cautiously optimistic … Meanwhile, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says President Obama should have known a revolution was coming in Egypt. Can’t say this reporter remembers McCain predicting it either … In Italy, thousands of women (and a few men) rally to protest the lustful ways of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, embroiled in prostitution scandals. Political scandals in Italy – who could even imagine it?


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