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Friday, November 16, 2012

Twink-tastrophe!

Posted By on Fri, Nov 16, 2012 at 6:33 PM

Im set for at least a week
  • I'm set for at least a week
If you thought the carnage of hurricane Sandy was bad... or are just looking for a ray of hope after Lindsay Lohan tanked in her comeback role as Elizabeth Taylor on Lifetime— well, things just went from bad to worse. Hostess has gone out of business.

As of this evening, the following events have taken place:

1. Hostess announced that the failure of striking workers to return has forced the baking giant to forego further operations and they are shuttering their doors. This announcement results in the discontinuation of such American staples as Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, Sno-balls, and yes... the Twinkie.

2. Shortly after this morning's announcement, all hell broke loose at grocery outlets around the country as crazed sweet-toothed shoppers— yours truly included, attempted to amass stores of their favorite sugary treats.

3. A petition went to the White House asking President Obama to "nationalize the Twiinkie industry" and in doing so "prevent our nation from losing her sweet creamy center."

4. Boxes of Twinkies, Zingers, Cupcakes, and Ding Dongs hit ebay and are currently getting actual bids upwards of $30.00.

5. Texas lowered their flag to half-mast

And you thought you had until December for the apocalypse to begin.

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About The Author

Ethan Maffey

Both a writer and a fan of vinyl records since age 5, it wasn't until nearly three decades later that Oregon Native Ethan Maffey derived a plan to marry the two passions by writing about music. From blogging on MySpace in 2007 and then Blogspot, to launching his own website, 83Music, and eventually freelancing...
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