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BREAKING: Sasquatch! Music Festival to Expand

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Just a short time ago, wallets belonging to parents of over-privileged teens in the region cried out in unified agony sparking a loud shrieking sound to be heard throughout Oregon, Washington, parts of Idaho and Western Canada. And now the cause of that phenomenon has been identified.

Scientists uncovered this tidbit of news that was quietly posted on the website for the Sasquatch! Music Festival and labeled it the official cause of today's major disturbance.

The area’s top ecologists are predicting a major boon to the region's reservoirs in 2014 as a result of 27,000 people showering 3 less days that year.

About The Author

Ethan Maffey

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Both a writer and a fan of vinyl records since age 5, it wasn't until nearly three decades later that Oregon Native Ethan Maffey derived a plan to marry the two passions by writing about music. From blogging on MySpace in 2007 and then Blogspot, to launching his own website, 83Music, and eventually freelancing...