Search
Username

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Hey Balloon Boy Dad, We Stopped Working Because of You. Pay Up

We stopped working to watch the Balloon Boy hoax, so pay up, Balloon Dad.

Posted By on Tue, Oct 20, 2009 at 6:04 PM

News outlets have been going bonkers with all the fallout from the Balloon Boy and his wacky dad (strangely, Balloon Life magazine has been mum on the subject) who looks like he, along with his wife, might get the book thrown at at him by pissed-off law enforcement officials for the alleged hoax he pulled off last week.

Balloon Dad Richard Heene may get the bill for the extensive air and ground search for his ironically named son, Falcon, who is now known as “Balloon Boy” because when your real name is Falcon, you need a really ridiculous nickname. On that note, why are we calling him Balloon Boy in the first place? The damn kid was never in a balloon. Ever. If anything, he should be Attic Boy or the less-flattering Vomit Boy.

Anyway, not only did the extensive tracking of the boy-less balloon eat up plenty of Colorado’s public and private resources, there was another rippling nationwide effect that cost businesses an unfathomable amount of money. Just about everyone stopped working when the boy-less balloon was in flight. Here in our offices last Thursday, we stood around a computer watching the damn thing spin through the air then subsequently crash in a field. We were legitimately concerned for Vomit Boy, because, well, being inadvertently 8,000 feet in the air is a decidedly bad circumstance for anyone, let alone a six-year-old child. No one here did anything of merit for at least an hour and the rest of the day was hampered by frequent bursts of outrage among workers who felt that the Balloon Dad had made a monkey out of them.

As if Youtube, Facebook, that People of Walmart website and inter-office discussions on Swine Flu protection methods (my favorite: swab your nostrils with Listerine...or something to that effect) weren’t killing enough of our hours, actor-turned-scientist-turned-stormchaser-turned-last-man-with-a-Friends-haircut Richard Heene has to pretend his kid has gone a mile and a half into the air inside of a glorified container of Jiffy Pop. How could any reasonable employer expect his or her employees not to watch something on this level of ridiculousness?

Secondly, this hoax has placed the bar for weird and potentially tragic news inordinately high. What’s that you say, Wolf Blitzer? Someone who looks remarkably similar to, or may actually be, Dick Cheney, is climbing the Empire State Building? So what you silly beardo, I once almost saw a kid go all Flight of the Navigator in his dad’s homemade spaceship!

But again, Mr. Heene, you owe us some lost wages. Pay up. Or just build us a space ship. We’ll take either one.


Pin It
Favorite

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Join Our Newsletter

More by The Source Staff

  • Scout It Out

    Scout It Out

    Map Your Trip
    • May 16, 2018
  • Party Like It's 1999

    Party Like It's 1999

    Prince's death anniversary fell on April 21. Sometimes, anniversaries like that are all the inspiration needed for Source staffers to go out and party like it's 1999
    • Apr 25, 2018
  • Back in the Day

    Back in the Day

    Throwbacks from the '90s, from our journals, or our addled memories
    • Apr 25, 2018
  • More »

Latest in The Blender

  • Let's Find These Scoundrelly Bar Thieves

    • Jun 27, 2012
    We at the Blender believe in good ol' American justice -- and every other kind of justice. That's why we're asking you, the Internet reading folks in Bend, to help us find the low-life couple that distracted local filmmaker Chris Kas, then proceeded to jack his leather jacket which contained his wallet, keys and a borrowed HD video camera. More »
  • Changes are Underway at Midtown - Just Check Out the New Annex

    • Jun 21, 2012
    Normal 0 0 1 165 945 The Source Weekly 7 1 1160 11.1282 0 0 0 As many in the local music community may have heard, Creig and Rhoda Jones, along with their business partners, have returned to oversee the Midtown Music Hall, the complex they've maintained ownership of while a group of locals managed the venue over the past two years. More »
  • Don't Miss The Ascetic Junkies At Silver Moon

    • Dec 2, 2011
    It’s been a while since we’ve seen the talented (and now married) Matt & Kali in Bend Oregon… but that’s all going to change tonight at Silver Moon Tap Room! If you’ve missed past coverage of The Ascetic Junkies, well… you must have been hidden under a rock. From their 2010 album This Cage Has No Bottom, to the new music they are creating (and are sure to share with us tonight), most people just can’t get enough of their unique folk/rock/pop/dance goodness. More »
  • More »

© 2018 LAY IT OUT INC | 704 NW GEORGIA, BEND, OREGON 97703  |   Privacy Policy

Website powered by Foundation