Overcome by the Muse (and the Scotch) in Bend | The Wandering Eye
Search
Settings

Coverage for Central Oregon, by Central Oregonians.
100% Local. No Paywalls.

Every day, the Source publishes a mix of locally reported stories on our website, keeping you up to date on developments in news, food, music and the arts. We’re committed to covering this city where we live, this city that we love, and we hear regularly from readers who appreciate our ability to put breaking news in context.

The Source has been a free publication for its 22 years. It has been free as a print version and continued that way when we began to publish online, on social media and through our newsletters.

But, as most of our readers know, times are different for local journalism. Tech giants are hoovering up small businesses and small-business advertising—which has been the staple for locally owned media. Without these resources, journalism struggles to bring coverage of community news, arts and entertainment that social media cannot deliver.

Please consider becoming a supporter of locally owned journalism through our Source Insider program. Learn more about our program’s benefits by clicking through today.

Support Us Here

Monday, July 20, 2009

Overcome by the Muse (and the Scotch) in Bend

While sadly pondering Bend's economic troubles yesterday, as I often do, I hit upon an inspiration: What this town needs is a poet laureate.

Posted By on Mon, Jul 20, 2009 at 4:23 PM

While sadly pondering Bend's economic troubles yesterday, as I often do, I hit upon an inspiration: What this town needs is a poet laureate.


The immediate source of the idea was a poem by William McGonagall that had been e-mailed to me. Some years ago I discovered the work of McGonagall, a Scot of the Victorian era who in his lifetime was widely considered The Worst Poet on Earth and is a leading contender for the title of Worst Poet of All Time. I was so impressed by McGonagall's remarkable abilities that I subscribed to a website that sends me one of his gems every week.

McGonagall lived near the city of Perth and wrote many odes in praise of it, such as the following, from last week's e-mail:

Of all the cities in Scotland, beautiful Perth for me, For it is the most elegant city that ever I did see, With its beautiful woodland scenery along the river Tay, Which would make the tourist's heart feel gay, While fishing for trout on a fine summer day.

There, the angler, if he likes to resort For a few day's fishing, can have excellent sport, And while he is fishing during the day, He will feel delighted with the scenery along the river Tay.

And the fish he catches will drive dull care away, And his toil will be rewarded for the fatigues of the day.

There's much more, but I think you get the general feel of it.

Now, over the years Bend has hired many talented advertising copy writers to persuade the world that our city is indeed a paradise for either the visitor (or "tourist," as McGonagall called him in his archaic language) or the would-be resident. But none of them, in my opinion, has been truly touched by the muse; none had what I'd consider anything even close to the real McGonagall flair.

So I thought maybe I'd have a go at it. After knocking back seven or eight shots of Scotch to get the poetic juices flowing, as it were, I churned out this:

Ah, fair city of Bend, wherethrough runs the sparkling river of Deschutes, and where the realtors and developers with the politicians are in cahoots, and the rainbow-hued trout they do sport and play, and also the sleek cougars may be seen at the end of each day, as they prowl the local bars in search of their prey!

Ah, fair city of Bend, situated on the verdant banks of the Deschutes, where often the fisherman does wade after putting on his hip boots, while the real estate scam artist in his elegant Mercedes Benz reclines, chatting on his cell phone to the next victim whom he shall rob blind!

Okay, it needs a little polishing, but I think it kind of captures the essence of Bend, don't you? So if City Hall can find a pittance in its budget to hire a poet laureate, I'm willing to work cheap. A pint of Scotch a day should cover it.

Pin It
Favorite

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Newsletter Signup

Get Central Oregon daily news
directly in your inbox

More by The Source Staff

Latest in The Wandering Eye

  • Moonshine Magic in Bend Still on the Down Low

    • Aug 9, 2012
    Get ready for our great close-up on the home distilling community out next week in our "Best of" issue. We interviewed a mixed bag of legal and anarchist distillers in Bend to find out why distilling is so very, very against the law in one's home. More »
  • The Eye Wanders Off Into the Sunset

    • Dec 26, 2010
    I’m really sorry to break the bad news to them during this season of peace and goodwill, but after this week the right-wingers in Bend and vicinity won’t have The Wandering Eye to kick around anymore. The decision to stop writing this blog was my own, and it was prompted by several factors. More »
  • DADT, Gay-Bashing and the "Icky-ness" Factor

    • Dec 19, 2010
    For the past week or so, “Zeo” of the NW Republican blog has had his jock strap in a knot over the prospect of Congress repealing the military’s “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” rule. To hear Zeo tell it, if DADT is repealed and gays are allowed to serve openly in the US military it will mean the end not only of our armed forces but of America, its economic system and civilization in general. More »
  • More »

© 2020 LAY IT OUT INC | 704 NW GEORGIA AVE, BEND, OREGON 97703  |   Privacy Policy

Website powered by Foundation