• Issue of
  • Jul 10-16, 2008
  • Vol. 12, No. 28



  • Gender Benders: A new baby in Bend, truth squads and taking the Helms
  • Editorial
  • Gender Benders: A new baby in Bend, truth squads and taking the Helms

    Oh Baby! This week's Upfront column must begin with congratulations to Thomas Beatie, the 34-year-old Bendite who gave birth to a girl last Sunday. Born a woman, Mrs./Mr. Beatie underwent "gender realignment" surgery (nip, tuck, pull, OWW!) and is legally recognized as a man. Reported to have delivered the child via traditional method (don't ask), Mrs./Mr. Beatie can be thanked for putting Bend on the map - And distracting the rest of the world from our fair, gender-neutral city's many problems, like hyper-inflated housing prices, pathetic governance and overall apathy. Anonymous sources close to City Hall say that in order to overshadow the remaining year's many issues - local transit based solely on imported oil, the continued housing slump and a general malaise among voters - the Mayor and City Council plan to impregnate a salmon with the sperm of a cougar, creating a monster fish that can't find its way home yet eats everything in its path, much like a Bend developer. Defining Patriotism Swift Boating without a paddle, the GOP and Democrats ignored our failing economy, the Taliban retaking Afghanistan and growing international cries for a climate treaty to engage in a useless debate over patriotism last week. While Obama (who was once criticized for not wearing a flag pin on his lapel) said that patriotism shouldn't be used as a "political sword" by any candidate, McCain's campaign announced the creation of the "Truth Squad" to defend his record of service. Meanwhile, retired General Wesley Clark said of McCain's time in Vietnam: "Well, I don't think riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to be president." Asked to grant a quote about service and patriotism, President George W. Bush, who served a few months in the Texas Air National Guard before disappearing into a fog of cocaine and floozies, offered, "Karl? Where's Karl? Rove! Turd Blossom? Who's got that fake letter we faxed to Dan Rather? Oh, wait! Is this thing on? Turn that off! You're either with us or against us! 9-11! Osama! Did I say that? I meant Iran..."
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  • Deschutes Brewery: Black Butte Double XX
  • Culture Features
  • Deschutes Brewery: Black Butte Double XX

    Editor's Note: This is the first in an occasional column spotlighting local beers and breweries My own research into beer drinking habits leads me to believe that the number of true "porter" aficionados is a small one. With its big malty body, and chocolate overtones, a good porter pretty much overwhelms the palate - it's the drinking equivalent of double fudge cake.
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  • Our Picks for the Week of  7/9-7/14
  • Picks
  • Our Picks for the Week of 7/9-7/14

    Cascade Cycling Classic wednesday-sunday As if this town isn't bicycle crazy enough, we get to truly unleash our inner Armstrong for the 29th Annual Bend Memorial Clinic Cascade Cycling Classic. It's four days of all sorts of two-wheeled fun, highlighted by the downtown Twilight Criterium. Whether you're a hardcore rider or just someone who likes spandex, click over to to get yourself in gear. Red Elvises thursday 10 It seems like this band from Venice, CA by way of Russia is getting a hankering for Bend, seeing as how they've already returned for another show at the Midtown complex. The last time they stopped off they rocked the wood planks right out of the floor of the Annex, and expect them to do the same when the band with the big hair and bigger bass guitars (it's actually called a balalaika) returns for what promises to be a great night of rockabilly. 21 and over. 9pm. $12. The Annex, 51 NW Greenwood Ave.
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Food & Drink




  • Chasing DreamsMax, Tour des Chutes, Gorge Games & More
  • Outside Features
  • Chasing DreamsMax, Tour des Chutes, Gorge Games & More

    Let's get physical. GLUTEUS MAXIMUS, MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, MAX FACTOR   About 6 years ago, I founded the Bend Adventure Racing Klub ( We were assembling Team BARK to race our first 24-hour Cal Eco event. Dave Schneider and Tom Schill were committed, and I was our token female, but we needed a third guy. We "interviewed" two candidates, including Max King. None of us knew Max, but he had expressed interest. He was very young and very understated, but there was something about him we liked, so we chose him. A few days later, we all piled into Dave's truck, pulling a trailer brimming with gear behind us, and headed out on the long drive to Central California. I remember our first rest stop about three hours later. As the rest of us stiffly climbed out of the truck, Max took three long graceful strides and hurdled a nearby picnic table. We all looked at each other with astonished expressions and wondered just who we had signed up. As it turned out, Max was a recent Cornell graduate who had been a stellar collegiate steeplechaser. Burned out on the track and field regimen, he wanted to try something new. I can tell you, Max is a stellar adventure racer too. There were times he had our entire team in tow, and he weighed less than any of us. He has an unflappable nature (extremely useful in adventure racing!) and he is bright, quickly mastering the art of navigation. After a couple of years having fun with adventure racing, Max returned to competitive running and dedicated himself the past two years to training for the Olympic steeplechase. He took time away from his job at Bend Research and away from his wife Dorie, living and training in Eugene. Too often in our lives we don't chase our dreams. Max finished sixteenth in the Olympic Trials in Eugene last week, but in my mind he's a hero just for giving it a go.
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