Search
Username
Pin It
Favorite

A Thanksgiving Miracle! American Ninja Warrior vs. every other sport in the world 

American Ninja Warrior is probably the greatest sport ever.

click to enlarge americanninja.jpg
I gave thanks for many a sports blessing this past week, including the continuing mediocrity of the Miami Heat and the shanked Boise State field goals that once again made the world safe for big-money college football programs, but that's not what I'm most thankful for this year. Rather, I'm most thankful that there is something called American Ninja Warrior and that this is an actual televised athletic competition, not just the desired profession of second-grade boys everywhere.

Sure, I watched the Lions and the Cowboys get beat, as is scheduled to occur by way of congressional mandate each Thanksgiving day, and took in some college hoops and Auburn's clumsy win, but it was the fact that I became aware of American Ninja Warrior that highlighted my weekend.

What could be better than watching everyday Americans hop over water, swing on a rope over water or jump between walls over water? And did I mention that about 95 percent of these people fall into the water and get totally wet, not to mention totally disqualified? They also climb up seemingly unclimbable walls. Aside from realizing that the NFL must immediately install water hazards in order to compete for my attention, I also decided that the athletes on American Ninja Warrior are far superior to, say, Shaquille O'Neal, or every single offensive lineman ever or, I dunno, Matt Hasselbeck (or any Hasselbeck for that matter).

American Ninja Warrior, which returns to the air with new episodes on December 8 on a network called G4, is based, of course, on a Japanese program of a similar name, but has since been Americanized because Americans suddenly want to be ninjas. As they should, because ninjas are probably the best athletes ever, kind of like Blake Griffin, whose recent dunks have been particularly ninjastic. This is why athletes (and plenty of people for whom the label "athlete" is more of a stretch than the one being experienced by the elastic in their sweat pants) are lining up in what appears to be a Home Depot parking lot in the hopes of making it at least through the first round. Then, they head off to a "boot camp" where one of them, in accordance with reality-show guidelines, will probably become a villain and another a psychologically troubled loner who cries in every episode.

Unlike the NBA playoffs, a mere 10 of the 1,000 or so initial American Ninja Warrior entrants head to the final round where they'll be sent to Japan's Mount Midoriyama, the most groin-bustingly, knuckle-breakingly, rope-burningly difficult obstacle course in the world. Uh yeah, this is awesome.

If you need me, I'll be out back working on my jump kicks.

Pin It
Favorite

Comments (2)

Showing 1-2 of 2

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-2 of 2

Add a comment

Join Our Newsletter

Latest in Outside Features

  • On Stewardship

    • Sep 19, 2018
    At the intersection of loving the outdoors and "loving it to death" is one big buzzword. We explore what it means More »
  • Fall Fashion, Sportsy Edition

    • Sep 12, 2018
    Our Fall Style feature aimed to show you what's out there, beyond the puffy jacket. But in the High Desert, we know you want your outdoor threads, too More »
  • Go Here

    • Sep 12, 2018
    Late-season hiking on the PCT More »
  • More »

More by Mike Bookey

Readers also liked…

  • 20/40/60: Aerial Yoga

    20/40/60: Aerial Yoga

    An emerging form of yoga, more approachable than it might look
    • Apr 19, 2017
  • 20/40/60: Do Like the Canadians Do

    20/40/60: Do Like the Canadians Do

    The Source's crack team tries curling
    • Feb 15, 2017

© 2018 LAY IT OUT INC | 704 NW GEORGIA, BEND, OREGON 97703  |   Privacy Policy

Website powered by Foundation