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Beers on Bikes 

Cycle Pub rules! Wait, no, it sucks.

The Cycle Pub rules!

Every time the Bend Cycle Pub, a 12-seat bar on wheels, goes screaming by (and I mean screaming to describe the vocality, not the velocity), I am thrown into a state of love-hate. I love it. I hate it. SW

Why didn't I think of that?! A way to get from bar to bar without having to stop drinking on the road! It's like catnip for ale-obsessed tourists!

• Riders burn calories while they drink! Five times as many as walking to the brewery and back.

• The Cycle Pub gives bachelorette parties something to do other than wearing penis- shaped hats and going on scavenger hunts.

• Peanut butter and chocolate! Can you think of any two things that you like more than drinking beer and riding your bike? Better together!

• It's European, what's cooler than that?

• Preventing drunk driving since 2011.

The Cycle Pub Sucks!

OMG! Barf! How is that gargantuan turd of a bike even legal? I can't drink and ride my own bike, let alone consider a contraption with 12 seats and some happy clappy douche bag at the helm. Not fun...and definitely not cool.

Why are these people yelling at me? I GET IT! You're all enjoying your vacation on a booze bike, but I'm trying to get some work done here! Amateurs.

Impossible to share the road with! On narrow streets, it's too wide to pass in a car, it clogs up roundabouts, and it blocks the entire bike lane, making other bikers ride into the middle of the street to pass it. And the customers yell, THE WHOLE TIME, "woo!" "woo!" "WOOOO!" Can it really be that much fun to go mock speed of 6 MPH during rush-hour traffic on Galveston?

That's true. I am completely jealous that I didn't think of it first! The brilliant owners of the Cycle Pub make 300 bucks for a two-hour ride on that thing, AND IT'S BRING YOUR OWN BEER! The Norwegian bastard who thought up the party bike is a frickin' genius, and whoever decided to bring the pedal pub to Bend is the same. GAHHHH! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT!

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