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Better Lights are the Answer

I want to divorce my car. Really! I'm getting so tired of the traffic in Bend! You know what I mean - horn honking, bumper

By Intern

I want to divorce my car. Really! I'm getting so tired of the traffic in Bend! You know what I mean - horn honking, bumper riding, finger flicking - basically city people who have moved here from wherever and taught their rude ways to their children.

My biggest grief is sitting for what seems like an hour at so many of Bend's stoplights waiting many times for no traffic to cross. I assume (remember assume is ass of u and me) that there is someone who has control of these lights, but I wonder in a time of all the "Greenies" preaching conservation why I have to sit at idle at these hour-long lights and waste my time and gas. I don't know who you are Mr. Traffic Controller and don't care because I don't associate with people who are college educated but have no common sense, unless I have to. But can't you get traffic to move better without having to sit in the hot Central Oregon sun at Reed Market or 27th and Highway 20 waiting for a green light?

The biggest reason I haven't divorced my car is because if I did I would have to be a "bicycler." You know who I mean. The ones who think they are above the law and don't stop for stop signs, finger you as you drive by and ride in packs like a bunch of gay Hell's Angels and make traffic stop from both directions until their prissy pink and purple pooters have passed. I used to love my bike when I was a kid - you know when the boy's bikes had the nut crasher bar from the seat to the steering post and the girls dipped low for skirts and other truly feminine accoutrements - but if I have to wear those tight black britches and pink and purple shirt I think I'll have a talk with my car about a reconciliation. Maybe Mr. Traffic Engineer will move off to Portland soon and talk the 'Bicyclers' into going with him/her and we Bendovers can get someone who understands traffic.

Rich Baessler, Bend

        
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