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Bikini Kill: The first deliberate attempt to lower the bar 


Head Corporate Communications D3Publisher of America Inc.; Head Tamsoft Marketing

Translate from Japanese original by global corporate communications (Intern G. Haku)

"See. Kind of skimpy cowboy showgirl Amazon outfit."

"In heels."

"Yes, in heels. And in 3D! But options. See... silvery single-thread thong. Also schoolgirl outfit. All options. And then the zombies arrive and then 'Point Get'!"

"She's a panting schoolgirl getting chased by zombies?"

"But she has the sword of blood for killing the zombies. See the zombie legs totter towards her! And yet she will slay them mercilessly!"

"So sort of a Castlevania meets, I don't know, Showgirls?"

"Yes, showgirls! And show girls taking the strong and interesting route to power. Young girl power. They demonstrate joyous power."

"She's pretty joyous. She's jiggling a lot."

"She fights the hulk of quivering blood."

"That big red thing that's coming after her? Why is she fighting it?"

"It is the blood. Blood is in the sword. See! Screen drip blood!"

"She really is jiggling a lot, even when she's standing still."

"Yes, they are her 'idle animations,' simple motions for her to occupy and entertain herself with when the player is not playing with her. Sort of funny! Oh! See her arrive in the park where the zombies are listening to rock music, laying on the grass like overfed Americans on a summer holiday. Only instead of fat and lazy the zombies are horrid and moldering! Rotting corpses! And here she can slaughter them as they recline. The blood splashes very much."

"Yes. It splashes very much and it splashes very much the same. But I'm only pressing the X button over and over and over. There aren't a lot of attacks."

"Oh, there is kick attack. She kicks high! But only basics. Keeps players less busy. Saves hands for other things."

"Yeah. Always better to have a crazy boob-physics engine than any sort of combat options. And hey, if it gets released in a sucky game year, people will buy it in May even though it was released in February."

"There are other costumes for her to collect!"

THE GOOD: "A killing zombie mini game during the loading scene: All loading screens should feature mini games.

"Gives the players something else to do with their hands!"

THE BAD: "Don't you think this looks a little like a PlayStation 2 game at a time when even the 360 is graphically on the way out?"

"You will notice that she is wearing a skimpy cowboy Amazon showgirl outfit!"

THE BOTTOM LINE: Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad is either the first trash classic of videogaming or classic trash.

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