Cocktailing: Slap Happy | Beer & Drink | Bend | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon
The Source Weekly’s reporting is made possible by the power of your support. Be a part of it!
Pin It

Cocktailing: Slap Happy 

There is never a void in cable television. You will find that be there ruinous fire, torrential flood, cataclysmic volcano, or category-five hurricane, you

There is never a void in cable television. You will find that be there ruinous fire, torrential flood, cataclysmic volcano, or category-five hurricane, you will still have access to 24-hour cable programming. Most of it tends to be awful as we have all watched at least an episode of something embarrassing, demoralizing and contemptible like The Swan where they found Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon to turn 300-pound losers into cougar-ready material for Real Housewives of Orange County. Or My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé in which a schoolteacher pretended to marry a rude, loathsome, and slobby hippopotamus for a cash prize. Unfortunately, what I've just described is wretched and is aired at prime time, so you can only imagine what I watch when I finally have time to ignite the boob tube at 4 a.m. I flip between infomercials with Tattoo selling personal massagers, discount telephone psychics and Suzanne Sommers doing kegel exercises with what appears to be pool noodle. I flip through hundreds of channels in determination of finding something somewhat satisfying. While I hate to admit it, I always stop at the ShamWow guy.

He's got two commercials, the ShamWow and the slap chop. He's so upbeat and amusing with a musical cadence to his regaling pitch. He makes cutting up tuna fish with a pickle look as fun as being at Studio 54 with table service Patrón and your own personal DJ. He never fails to delight when he beams and announces, "You'll love my nuts," as he chop chop chops peanuts into ice cream topping. So I was shocked when I heard today that earlier this year he was arrested on a felony charge for beating up a prostitute because she had bit down on his tongue and wouldn't let go. Talk about embarrassing things you would rather not admit to in the middle of the night.

The Sham-woops
1.5 oz fresh squeezed lime
1.5 oz simple syrup
1.5 oz blue curaçao
1.5 oz vodka

Pour all the ingredients into a Sham Wow and squeeze into a martini glass

About The Author

Pin It

Speaking of Cocktailing


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

Today | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat
Mad Science Family Program

Mad Science Family Program - Sunriver Nature Center & Observatory

Sat., Oct. 30, 10:30 a.m.-12 p.m.
Submitting an event is free and easy.

Newsletter Signup

Get Central Oregon daily news
directly in your inbox

Get Social

Latest in Beer & Drink

More by Intern

  • The Other Half of the Yoga Equation

    The Source Issue 45 (Nov. 10) contained wonderful information about the forms of yoga offered in our vicinity. Most of the information covered pertained to the socially enjoyable forms of yoga enjoyed by the folks who use yoga mats and bendy posturing as they concentrate on improving their blissful breathing techniques. These physical forms of yoga are the beautiful compliments to the mental, mindful and meditative forms of yoga that balance the larger yoga (yogic) equation. Yoga is basically a non-denominational practice aimed at balancing the physical (body) existence with the meta-physical (mind) reality. The ensuing mind-body balance creates the union required for an increased "understanding" (consciousness) of the "living experience."
    • Jan 25, 2012
  • Walden's Corporate Servitude

    In the time-honored American tradition of peaceful civil disobedience, I am proud to be one of eight Central Oregon citizens arrested on December 5 in Congressman Greg Walden's Bend office. At our January 26 trial we plan to present a compelling defense. This act of dissent follows years of futile attempts to encourage the Congressman to hold open, unscripted town meetings accessible to a majority of his constituents. The Congressman has grown so suspicious of impromptu encounters with ordinary citizens that on Saturday he required a Bend Police Department intervention that enabled him to enter the Water Project meeting at the Chamber of Commerce through the back door. (Greg, we are nonviolent people who believe that democracy thrives on open dialogue and transparency; there is no reason to avoid us.)
    • Jan 25, 2012
  • Doors of Equality Swing Both Ways

    I had to respond to "What's Wrong with Siri," (News, 1-4) since Apple's Siri isn't the problem. Three hours before I read, "What's wrong with Siri," I went to a store in town and complimented the cashier that this was the nicest "dollar" store I had ever been in.
    • Jan 11, 2012
  • More »

Want to advertise with us?

For info on print and digital advertising, >> Click Here

© 2021 LAY IT OUT INC | 704 NW GEORGIA AVE, BEND, OREGON 97703  |   Privacy Policy

Website powered by Foundation