Dream On: Dream team of A-list actors and director cannot save the misguided path of Dream House

OK, here we go again with another entry into the haunted house genre. You know, the ones with "haunting" and/or "house" in the title that are all but destined to suck. This flick is no exception to the sucking rule, but guess what? It's not a haunted house movie, which now leads me to believe anything with just "house" in the title sucks.

Beginning with scary, angelic music, Dream House introduces the new inhabitants to a strange and creepy house with a shady past. Things creak, squeak, and go bump in the night all in the hopes of making A-list film stars (Daniel Craig, Rachel Weiz, Naomi Watts) crap their pants. But all that changes midway through with a twist from the "is this all real?" Shutter Island school of twists, detouring into ridiculous hallucinations, visions, questionable sanity and, yes, murder.

What I thought was going to be yet another big steaming pile of bad haunted house movies turned out not to be the case. Dream House is a steaming pile of a different sort. Moving at a snail's pace with zero suspense, rife with stupidity, hack-job screenwriting and a huge dose of WTF, this flick manages to churn out a tepid psychological thriller at best. Even with two major plot twists, the movie is still so formulaic that you can almost see the solution boiling out of the science beaker.

Attempting to reach Hitchcock territory, it's too lame and stupid to even come close. If we're going to be treated to this kind of thriller, I say thrill us and crank it up a notch. Director Jim Sheridan has jeopardized his substantial filmmaking credits (My Left Foot, In America) as all he does is make a terrible "made-for-bad-TV" psychological mess look slick. File this one under "too demeaning to experience" and move on. Bad writing abounds in movies these days, and screenwriter David Loucka, who also wrote 1989's Dream Team, must have dreams on his mind. Well I have news for him and the filmmakers...keep dreaming. This flick could possibly induce nightmares, but for all the wrong reasons.

Dream House keeps you on the edge of your seat... geared to leave. A more appropriate title could be Outhouse. When a movie gets all phony with its transparent moodiness, absolutely ridiculous with its gaping plot holes, wretched dialogue and monstrously insulting acting from capable thespians, it's downright painful.

Dream House

One Star

Starring Daniel Craig Rachel Weiz Naomi Watts

Directed by Jim Sheridan

Rated PG-13