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Our Fresh Poop Is Always Straight But Never Homophobic 

Our Fresh Poop Is Always Straight But Never Homophobic

Monday, June 20

What could possibly go wrong? Tennessee Valley Authority, oblivious to Japan's Fukushima reactor disaster, plans six new nuclear plants in eastern Tennessee. At least there won't be a big tsunami risk ... Big day for the Supremes: US Supreme Court's conservative majority strikes down massive sex discrimination class-action lawsuit against Wal-Mart ... Court also unanimously strikes down suit aimed at forcing cuts in greenhouse emissions from power plants ... Just when we needed some good news: Forecasting firm IHS Global Insight predicts Portland will return to pre-Great Recession employment levels in 2014, but Bend won't reach that point until (gulp!) 2021 ... Only in America: Richard James Varone, 57, of North Carolina, unemployed and uninsured, robs bank of $1 so he can go to jail and get medical care for various ailments.

Tuesday, June 21

Losing traction: On the heels of 16 campaign aides quitting earlier this month, Newt Gingrich's top two fundraising advisers resign; campaign reported more than $1 million in debt ... Still clueless after all these years: Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) says he's "puzzled" as to why some folks were upset when he blamed Arizona wildfires on illegal immigrants ... Scare tactics: US Food and Drug Administration unveils hideous cigarette pack images of festering sores, etc., aimed at discouraging smoking ... Wrist slap: JP Morgan Chase & Co. agrees to pay $153.6 million to settle civil fraud charges. That's less than it makes in a week ... Sweet music: Violin built by Antonio Stradivari in 1721 auctioned for $16 million; proceeds go to Japanese earthquake relief.

Wednesday, June 22

Gosh, think so? President Obama announces plans to pull 30,000 troops out of Afghanistan by next summer, says it's "time to focus on nation-building here at home" ... The "effectiveness" was never in doubt: FDA defends its decision to let silicone breast implants back on the market five years ago, says research shows they have "reasonable assurance of safety and effectiveness" ... They know when to quit: The Winklevoss twins, who claim Mark Zuckerberg stole the idea for Facebook from them, drop plans to appeal their lawsuit to US Supreme Court ... "Most Wanted" no more: Notorious Boston gangster James "Whitey" Bulger captured by FBI in Santa Monica, CA after 16 years on the lam ... Yes, he really was a jackass: Police in West Chester, PA confirm that "Jackass" star Ryan Dunn had blood alcohol level more than twice legal limit when he drove his Porsche off the road at 130 mph, killing himself and a passenger.

Thursday, June 23

On the road again, maybe, sometime: Sarah Palin denies reports she's canceled her cross-country bus tour, says she postponed it because she had jury duty and it'll resume "when the time comes." Really, jury duty? ... Taking their ball and going home: Republican congressional leaders walk out of talks with White House on raising debt ceiling because White House refuses to rule tax increase off the table ... Not flying so high anymore: Feds indict Mark Neuman and Lane D. Lyons of Bend and Timothy Larkin of Redmond on fraud charges for allegedly scamming $13.7 million from customers of Summit Accommodators ... It's sun 'n' fun season again in Bend: Mother and two kids floating down Deschutes River escape injury after being swept over Colorado Avenue spillway ... E-wizardry: "Harry Potter" creator A.J. Rowling announces launch of "Pottermore," online store that'll sell e-versions of Potter books.

Friday, June 24

Forty-four to go: New York legalizes same-sex marriage, becoming sixth state to do so ... Smackdown: US House deals symbolic blow to Obama administration by refusing to authorize military actions in Libya ... Not playing fair? US and several states investigating Google for possible antitrust violations ... Marketing ploy: Letters found in Osama bin Laden's compound reveal he thought about changing name of Al Qaeda to improve image with Muslims ... No, they don't know when to quit: Those wacky Winklevoss twins announce they're going to file another suit against Facebook, claiming it "intentionally or inadvertently suppressed evidence" during previous suit.

Saturday, June 25

Ill-gotten gains? Search of James "Whitey" Bulger's apartment discovers $800,000 in cash; FBI says he might have more stashed away ... Reason to be gay: Celebrities as diverse as Ellen Degeneres, Lady Gaga and Steve Martin cheer New York's approval of same-sex marriage. "I can't stop crying. We did it kids," tweets La Gaga ... Meanwhile Neil Patrick Harris announces plans to marry longtime partner David Burtka ... Way too much information: Kim Kardashian goes public with X-ray images of her butt to prove it's all real. Personally, we never had any doubts.

Sunday, June 26

Divine intervention: Michelle Bachmann, on CBS's "Face the Nation," says she has "a sense from God" that He wants her to run for president ... This is ugly: Vandals puncture tires on 51 floats participating in Chicago's 42nd annual Pride Parade ... This is uglier: Transportation Security Agency stands by agents accused of forcing cancer-stricken 95-year-old woman to remove her adult diaper during airport search ... Compromising position? Republican congressional leaders reportedly offer big cuts in military spending in hope of getting stalled talks on debt ceiling moving again ... Hack no more: Lulz Security, having embarrassed Sony, Nintendo and the CIA by hacking their websites, announces it's through with hacking ... Not exactly cheap thrills: Red and black jacket worn by Michael Jackson in famous "Thriller" video fetches $1.8 million at auction in (where else) Beverly Hills.

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