Pin It

The Adverse Weather Conditions Bowl 

It's pre-bowl season now in the college sports world, the period when your Saturdays are spent clicking aimlessly between non-conference college basketball matchups and TNT's weekly screening of Independence Day. The only other thing of note occupying your time is the ongoing assail of the BCS system. But the truth is you're wasting your time. There will never be a playoff system, let's accept that and instead use the other list of bowls strictly for comedic value.

Here are some bowls I propose the NCAA or whatever group of pharmaceutical companies, financial institutions and tortilla chip makers implement next season:

The Fourth and Long Bowl: For this game, there's no punting allowed. If it's fourth and 15 on your own 7 yard line, you have to go for it. Not only would this surely spark massive amounts of scoring, it would keep those lanky, awkward face-mask-wearing punters off the field.

The Adverse Weather Conditions Bowl: The site will change each year, but one thing will be certain, the weather will be just awful. Games are more fun to watch when there's a foot of snow on the ground, it's pouring rain or two cheerleaders and an offensive coordinator get sucked up in a tornado.

The Smoke-A-Bowl: Ever played football... on weed? The two teams picked for this THC-mandatory matchup will be able to answer that question. Observers may become annoyed, however, when a linebacker lets a running back into the end zone because he "all of a sudden just realized, man, that there's so much more to life than tackling dudes."

The Jessica Fletcher Bowl: This game, honoring the heroine of the Murder She Wrote series, allows spectators to guess which player killed one of the security guards before the game. Unfortunately, a security guard will have to die to make this one work.

Pin It


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Source Weekly Newsletter

Fresh from the press: Get all our print stories, delivered to your inbox every Thursday.

Latest in Outside Features

  • This Land is Our Land

    • Jun 12, 2019
    A local, Latinx-led group forms to encourage participation in the outdoors More »
  • Running for the Medals

    • Jun 5, 2019
    The tale of a self-described "medal junkie" More »
  • Wild and Scenic Paddler

    • May 29, 2019
    Oregonian, river advocate and photographer Tim Palmer releases Forever Heritage Art and authors his 28th book More »
  • More »

More by Mike Bookey

Readers also liked…

  • Central Oregon Now and Then

    Central Oregon Now and Then

    Where Bend streets got their names
    • Apr 11, 2018
  • Crowds in the Backcountry

    Crowds in the Backcountry

    As national forest leaders consider quotas for local wilderness areas, some local wilderness advocates weigh in
    • Jul 11, 2018

© 2019 LAY IT OUT INC | 704 NW GEORGIA AVE, BEND, OREGON 97703  |   Privacy Policy

Website powered by Foundation