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The Finest, Freshest Straight Poop Available, by Default 

Monday, July 25

First the good news: NFL players' union agrees to new contract with owners. Thanks, we needed that ... Now the bad news: Unemployment rates rose in all three Central Oregon counties in June; Deschutes at 12.5 percent. We didn't need that ... Terror's aftermath: 100,000 gather in Oslo for memorial service for victims of right-wing terrorist Anders Breivik ... Breivik's father says he wishes son had killed himself ... Tiger by the tail: Oregon Democratic Rep. David Wu says he won't seek re-election in wake of allegations he hit on teenage girl ... Living the dream: California Gov. Jerry Brown signs "Dream Act" allowing children of illegal immigrants to receive private scholarships to attend state colleges ... You think you had a bad day? South African man wakes up inside morgue refrigerator; family thought he'd died from asthma attack.

Tuesday, July 26

Boehner's boner: House Speaker John Boehner postpones vote on his debt ceiling plan after Congressional Budget Office says it won't save as much money as he claims ... House members' websites crash after President Obama urges people to contact them to show support for his plan ... Seems plausible: Lawyer for Norwegian terrorist Anders Breivik says his client is insane ... Last act: Amy Winehouse fans turn out for funeral; authorities say no drugs or paraphernalia found in her apartment ... Not a happy camper: Doctor for ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, facing trial next week, says he's depressed and refusing to eat ... On second thought: Rep. David Wu says he'll resign after debt impasse is resolved. That should mean sometime in 2014 ... You want carrots with that? McDonald's to start putting fruit and veggies in kids' Happy Meals along with reduced portion of fries.

Wednesday, July 27

Games politicians play: House Republicans, Senate Democrats harden support for rival debt ceiling plans ... Dems urge Obama to use 14th Amendment to raise ceiling ... S&P 500 stock index drops more than 27 points ... Deadly cold turkey? Amy Winehouse's family say they think she died from trying to quit alcohol too abruptly ... Long response time: Norwegian government investigating why police took so long to stop Anders Breivik's shooting rampage at summer camp ... Too old for that stuff: "Jeopardy" host Alex Trebek, 71, snaps Achilles tendon while chasing burglar who stole cash and jewelry from his hotel room ... Way too old for that stuff: Crystal Harris, 25, who left Hugh Hefner, 85, waiting at the altar, tells Howard Stern she and Hef only had sex once and it was over in "like about two seconds" ... Extreme DIY: Los Angeles man, 63, tries to fix own hernia by sticking butter knife in his belly, is taken to hospital for psychiatric observation.

Thursday, July 28

Just when you thought they hit bottom: Britain's Guardian newspaper reports Rupert Murdoch's now-defunct News of the World hacked phone of Sara Payne, mother of murdered 8-year-old ... Buy American: Turns out terrorist Anders Breivik got his 30-round ammo clips by mail order from US; they're illegal in Norway ... Weighing her options: Nafissatou Diallo, hotel maid who's accused Dominique Strauss-Kahn of attempted rape, says she may bring civil suit if criminal charges aren't pressed ... Maybe he should cut down on the quadruple-cheese-and-linguica pizzas: Chubby New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie hospitalized after having breathing difficulty ... Sickening: Federal economists say cost of health care in US will hit $4.6 trillion by 2020. That's 20 percent of total US economy.

Friday, July 29

Dead Before Arrival: House passes Republican debt ceiling plan; Democrats promptly shoot it down in Senate ... Feeling the heat: Editor of Murdoch-owned New York Post warns reporters not to destroy any info relating to phone-hacking or bribery; Justice Department said to be readying subpoenas ... Fill 'er up: President Obama announces agreement with automakers to raise fuel efficiency standard to 54.5 miles a gallon by 2025 ... Double-dip? US manufacturing shows weakest growth in two years, possibly signaling economy headed back into recession ... Lover's quarrel? Former Hugh Hefner fiancée Crystal Harris apologizes for what she told Howard Stern. "The Stern interview scared me, he's harsh," she says.

Saturday, July 30

The 11th hour: Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell and President Obama in talks over debt ceiling deal; Dems postpone Senate vote on Minority Leader Harry Reid's plan ... Star-crossed lovers: Two Afghani teenagers jailed for wanting to marry without parents' consent; girl's relatives say they'll kill her when she's released ... In related development, Afghanistan heralds arrival of 12th Century ... Ho-hum, another royal wedding: Zara Phillips, granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II, marries Rugby star Mike Tindall in simple ceremony; bride wears off-the-rack dress ... Where there's smoke: Fire destroys offices of PAC leading drive to recall Republican lawmakers in Wisconsin.

Sunday, July 31

We've got a deal, maybe: President Obama announces deal with Republicans to raise debt ceiling in return for cutting spending $2.2 trillion over 10 years and no tax increases ... But House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says Democrats might not buy it. "We all may not be able to support it, or none of us may be able to support it," she says ... Not as crazy as he looks: Prosecutors in Norway say terrorist Anders Breivik likely isn't legally insane ... High Noon: In opening-weekend box office shootout, "Smurfs" movie surprisingly ties with "Cowboys and Aliens" at $36.2 million each.

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