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The Spitter 

There are some things that are never OK, for example spitting on the floor in a public place. I make reference to the gentleman on Saturday night who convincingly hucked a huge loogie high into the air so that it landed in a slimy spat in the middle of the bar area. Instantaneously, I told him that he had to leave and when I came round to show him the way out he replied, "I'm not drunk! I haven't even been drinking." Which is unfortunate because then he would have an excuse for his absolutely insolent behavior.

This isn't the first time I've had to kick someone out of the bar for spitting on the floor. The other time was many years ago when I had a guy from Oklahoma who kept expectorating on the floor for no apparent reason other than he clearly thought that our wood floor would be more pleasant with a good spit-shine. When I told him that if he hucked on the floor one more time he would have to leave, he quickly proceeded to spit again, as obviously he was accustomed to dribbling as he pleased, much like a slobbering bulldog. On his way out he excused himself by stating he was from Oklahoma. Which don't get me wrong, we all know that Oklahoma has more than its fair share of rednecks and hicks, however I have never met another Oklahoman who thinks that it is OK to spit inside.


So in lieu of this beastly trend, I've thought that perhaps we need a very quick Ms. Manners refresher. Ms. Manners states, "The fact is (and she hates to be the one to break the news to you) that spitting is not in the current lexicon of permissible public pleasures, except in rare areas that are especially consecrated to the purpose, such as old-fashioned porches among consenting cronies who are skilled enough to miss the porch railing and hit the ground."

Point is, never spit inside.

The Spitter

2 oz fresh squeezed lemon

2 oz hot water

2 oz honey

2.5 oz bourbon

Stir and add ice

As you drool smelling this delicious cocktail, allow your slobber to slowly drip into the drink as a frothy garnish.

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