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You Got Mail: Sorting through the email trash 

Please stop sending Woody stupid emails.

I’m positive that you, like me, have at least one relative who can’t resist sending you a lot of cute e-mails. You know the ones with pictures of a mama moose that’s adopted a squirrel, a cat and dog that pal around like that’s the way it should be, a cobra that sleeps cuddled up with a mongoose, and dozens of adorable puppies doing cute puppy things.

My daily barrage of cute animal emails (mixed in with overly sentimental poems complete with sunset pictures) comes from a cousin in Arizona. And the reason why I don’t tell her to stop sending them is that I don’t want to offend her. Instead, I just hit delete.

Another barrage of daily emails comes from a well-meaning uncle who passes on every joke he hears or receives from his numerous cronies along with lots of folksy wisdom about aging gracefully and not aging so gracefully.


Then there’s my pal in California who weekly sends off at least two-dozen “racy” emails. That’s racy as in everything from sophomoric humor to photos that have a sort of 1940s cheesecake look to them.

And, of course, I have a friend who’s into sending spectacular photo images almost all of which were concocted in Photoshop. Never mind, he believes they’re real. Like the one of the monster Gray Whale leaping 15 feet out of the water inches from the bow of a sea kayak or the moon rising like an overly inflated basketball.

He also passes along a seemingly endless YouTube videos showing people doing impossible things like throwing a basketball over the Grand Canyon and having it get nothing but net on a basket placed on the Canyon’s opposite rim.

Months later, the above emailer will send along an apologetic note saying he’s just discovered that the video he sent six weeks ago was revealed as (gasp), a hoax, and that photo of the moonrise over Mars, with San Francisco in the foreground, was a case of Photoshop run amok.

But best of all of the daily emails I get are the ones from public relations agencies nuts about the jewelry and trappings minor league celebrities are wearing at red carpet functions.

How I came to enjoy these emails a day has its origins in when I worked for a few name publishers. During those years, I got on every PR agency in America’s release list. That used to mean maybe one printed release from each arriving by mail every month. Now, email has unleashed a “seen wearing Prada” tsunami. Here’s a sample.

Hi Bob,

Below, please find images for your consideration of Josie Loren wearing Vahan jewelry and an M.C.L. by Matthew Campbell Laurenza clutch to the 2011 Teen Choice Awards, held at the Gibson Amphitheatre in Los Angeles, CA, on August 7th.  Additional information on the Vahan jewelry and M.C.L. by Matthew Campbell Laurenza clutch is below for your reference. Please contact me for further information, including hi-res images.

Then the message goes on to tell me how much all the stuff Ms. Loren (whoever she is) is wearing. And I thought we were in tough economic times.

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