We're #1: "Outdoor Life" names Bend the top town for sportsmen | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

We're #1: "Outdoor Life" names Bend the top town for sportsmen

A humorous take on Outdoor Life naming Bend the #1 city for sportsmen.

Outdoor Life magazine’s naming of Bend as the number one town for “sportsmen” in the U.S. has some locals in a state of shock.

“It one thing to be named the number one city in Poetry Slam magazine or Urban Hipster quarterly, or even McMansion Annual” said performance artist Allgood* (no last name given), “but to be named as the best place for hunting and fishing is a step backward for Bend.”

“What’s next,” offered personal fitness and life coach Lydia Mall*, “hordes of cammo-clad kids in our schools, open carry laws, shooting within city limits, endless bad country music on all radio stations, a Ted Nugent lecture series, only Bud Light served in bars, ‘kill’ hunting shows run over and over on cable television and jacked up four-wheel drive vehicles making traffic hazardous?”

The shock is palatable and already several people have declared that they will run for the next City Council election on an anti-sportsman’s platform.

Meanwhile over coffee at the D and D, Bend native Bill Pronghorn* just laughed at the uproar.

“It would be kinda nice to get some hunters and fishermen back here. Then we could call off school for the opening of the deer hunting and fishing seasons like we used to years ago. In fact having a lot of cammo being worn around town and people really into hunting and fishing would be just like Bend was 30 and 40 years ago before all these fancy folks moved here.”

Who knows what will happened but a friend in Wisconsin noted in a recent e-mail that given what’s going on in that state, he expects to see a lot of guns, ammo, tackles boxes and cammo clothing being packed up in pickups heading to Bend.

Prepare for the culture clash.

*Obviously, none of these people actually exist.

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