Got Us By the Sachs: Turkey with Bernie, spilt milk and Gov. Sanford's black book | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

Got Us By the Sachs: Turkey with Bernie, spilt milk and Gov. Sanford's black book

Turkey with Bernie, spilt milk and Gov. Sanford's black book.

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from a couch in New York in a tryptophan haze, hopeful of a long nap and no more food for at least a week, on assignment for and The Source Weekly.

How's this for an apology? "There's also people who feel - and are right - that there's some meaningful things where we may have - not may have, certainly our industry is responsible for things. And we're a leader in our industry, and we participated in things that were clearly wrong, and we have reasons to regret and apologize for." Gee, thanks! I feel better, don't you? Those were the words of Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, speaking at a New York forum for corporate board members this week. Blankfein made $73.2 million last year and recently said bankers are doing "God's work." Good thing God wanted Goldman Sachs to take $12.9 billion in bailout funds only months ago (then report a nearly $3 billion profit) after selling $40 billion in risky bonds without telling investors it was also betting on a housing market collapse. Good upstanding Americans, capitalists and philanthropists: While apologizing for using us like a fluffer on a porn shoot, Blankfein announced a $500 million program for small business, which is 2.5 percent of the $20-plus billion in estimated bonuses Goldman Sachs will pay its felons/employees this year.

Meanwhile, We're Paying For Madoff's Housing and Food

More than a hand-slap for messing with milk, Zhang Yujun and Geng Zinping were executed in China for producing and selling melamine-laced milk in 2008. The tainted milk scandal, forever known as "Dying Over Spilt Dairy," killed at least six babies and sickened 300,000 others; among the 21 tried and sentenced, most received at least 15 years in prison, with Zhang and Geng unceremoniously executed. As of press time, Ponzi scum Bernard Madoff is eagerly awaiting turkey and side dishes in his cell, much like you will eat on Thanksgiving, paid for by you, the taxpayer.

Addendum on Lobbyists

As reported two weeks ago, 8 percent of lobbyists have quit due to the Obama Admin's tough stance on no lobbyists working in the administration - until they've quit, took a nice vacation, then can be hired for important policy decisions. Well, the hard days for lobbyists isn't hitting the health care industry, where 1,000 organizations have hired lobbyists, according to the Center for Responsive Politics, with spending on health care lobbying exceeding $422 million through September of this year, a nearly 10 percent jump over last year. "If lobbying didn't work, people wouldn't do it," explained Dave Levinthal of the CRP. A few examples of how well it works: Language Line Services (invested $90,000 in lobbying since 2007) convinced our elected representatives to require Medicaid to match up to 75 percent of translation costs in the House's new health care "reform" bill. Not to be outdone, the American Beverage Association hired a fifth lobbying firm to kill a proposed tax on sugary drinks that may have underwritten health care reform, spending $7.3 million in a three-month period.

Other Stuff to Make
You hurl

Sexy yet disgraced South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford now faces 37 ethics charges for illegally using public funds and, basically, being another hypocrite Republican, after it was revealed that he wasn't hiking the Appalachian Trail but bumping uglies with his Argentinean mistress. Sanford is still in office and refuses to resign, even as impeachment hearings commence next week. Calling it "inappropriate" to give a member of the most important Catholic family in America Communion, Rhode Island Bishop Thomas Tobin has asked Rep. Patrick Kennedy to not eat or drink Christ due to his Pro-Choice stances; Kennedy is the son of late Senator Teddy Kennedy, and nephew of the first and only Catholic president in US, John F. Kennedy.

Breaking News: Nuclear Power Is Totally Safe!

Three Mile Island in Pennsylvania is misbehaving again. Alarms went off on Saturday at 4pm and 150 workers had to be sent home due to contamination, when the nuclear power plant had "very minor" issues, according to Exelon Nuclear, which operates the plant. Thankfully this latest leak wasn't on par with the 1979 "minor incident" at the same plant, including a partial meltdown and citizens of Middletown, Penn. resembling the antagonists of "I Am Legend." You'll be glad to know that Three Mile Island is up and running again, and workers on-site are super happy to be there.

More Shames
Before You Flush

Seven bulls broke free in Spain and injured two people on the set of the movie Knight & Day - the shame is that costars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were not on set when the bulls broke free. Shame on the staff of the prison in Norfolk, Mass., who won't let Robert/Michelle Kosilek receive electrolysis treatments - born Robert and now known as "Michelle" (as well as "Convicted Murderer" for killing his wife in 1990) Kosilek has been suing to force the state to pay for his/her sex-change surgery, with prison officials refusing due to "potential security issues" at the all-male prison. And, finally, shame on all of your fake hopers who loved Obama a year ago and now disapprove of his version of hope - A Gallup Poll showed that President Obama's approval ratings fell below 50 percent for the first time. Let's hope Obama's numbers don't follow Dubya's, with only three Americans approving of his eight years: Cheney, himself, and Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein.

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