"I Object!" | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

"I Object!"

The author is reporting from rehab, watching a literal squawk box, some annoying bimbo making the beautiful state of Alaska look ugly.

When we're forced to choose between molestation and strangers seeing our privates via X-ray, the terrorists have won. Hand Al Qaeda a trophy, bring back the troops, ground the drones and shutter the Pentagon. Republican fear mongering under the Bush-Cheney junta and overreaction, surrendering our rights to rent-a-cops renamed TSA security, has led to a revolt by the public, pilots and airline employees. Don't screen my sack and keep your fingers out of my carry-on!

"We're doing this to keep powders and gels off airlines," defended Secretary of Homeland Security Janet "Gloryhole" Napolitano, but these screening efforts seem more S&M than sound procedure. Even Captain Chesley "Sullied" Sullenberger, made famous for hitting a bird and crashing on the Hudson, is calling the screening, "A waste of our valuable resources... " Pointing to biometrics and databases of airline employees, as well as security clearance for most pilots, Sully added, "There's no need for us to go through these things."

Objections were all the rage this week, with Congressman Charles "Chaos" Rangel walking out of his own ethics hearing, pointing to a pile of papers and saying, "I object to the proceeding. I have no idea what this man has put together." Oh, we know what you've put together since joining the House in 1970: 13 charges of misconduct, including forgetting a property in the Dominican Republic, misuse of a rent-controlled apartment in NYC, and shaking down donors to name buildings after yourself. This guy is why we need term limits. Representing Harlem (Democrat, of course) Rangel was reelected with 80 percent, but is now facing expulsion or official rebuking (a harsh slap on the hand, really). He was chairman of the Ways and Means Committee (which writes our tax laws), but now claims to have been "overzealous" and "sloppy" in his own finances. Even more hilarious: After supposedly spending $2 million on his own defense, Rangel whined, "Fifty years of public service is on the line... I deserve a lawyer."

Also in need of a lawyer, or at least a shrink to test his sanity, is House Minority (soon to be Majority) Leader Mitch McConnell. After stuffing nearly $1 billion in earmarks into unrelated bills, the fine hypocrite from Kentucky (Republican of course) now wants a "nonbinding moratorium" (meaning = nothing) banning earmarks. "[Voters] gave us a second chance... I am telling them they were right to put their trust in us." said McConnell, whose many trusted friends include Big Oil and RJR Tobacco, according to an internal memo: "The Senator is our strongest supporter on the product liability and the effective date issue for punitive damages...McConnell is likely to be our preferred point person on the FDA issues in both Appropriations and other legislative vehicles..."

This is what America welcomed back into power, helped in part by an enigma known as "Bobby C. Thompson" stealing of a $100 million in donations intended for veterans' groups. Watch this one: This unknown person raised and stole millions, is now missing and wanted by the FBI, yet "Bobby C." still managed to give millions to Republicans, including Bush and John "Fake-Bake" Boehner, soon-to-be Speaker of the House. You thought Watergate was bad, wait until the Republican leader sweats like Nixon while defending a generous donor who stole from veterans, yet doesn't exist.

What we need is an investigation, someone like Serpico to go deep-cover to reveal the ugly truth, or a creepy Charles Bronson to kill with extreme prejudice. Yet we lost Hollywood producer Dino De Laurentiis last week. After serving in the Italian Army in World War II, Dino took any job in film until producing his first at the age of 20; 500+ films have followed, including Serpico and Death Wish as well as the Conan franchise, but not all were hits, including Dune and keeping that Hannibal character alive on screen far too long.

Speaking of death on screen, watching President Obama trudge through Asia this past week was an indignity none should suffer, akin to castrating a man then demanding that he breed. Smeared by anonymous and cowardly Republicans who respect the Commander in Chief only as long as he's in their party - including a greatly exaggerated $2 billion price-tag for the trip and calls for Obama to not run for reelection in 2012 to "help heal America" - such malfeasance didn't help intense negotiations with South Korea to import more American autos and the rather serious business of finding someone, anyone, to buy our national debt.

These are Dark Ages. And confirmation comes with news that cholera killed 900 in Haiti and 1,500 in Nigeria, and Britain is celebrating a fresh piece of DNA being added to their inbred royalty. "Prince" William will marry his girlfriend Kate Middleton, with the subjugated fiefdom (who just had their benefits and austerity programs cut) paying for the lavish wedding and lifestyle, security and kids with extra toes. Congratulations on making us all feel better about democracy, warts and all.

Congratulations are also in order for the "freeing" of Aung Sun Suu Kyi from house arrest. After winning the general election in 1990, and the Nobel Peace Prize in 1991, she has been a prisoner in her own country so long that its name has changed from Burma to Myanmar, yet is still led by an authoritarian junta that limits free speech and scares the populace with fake patriotism and brute force.

Sound familiar? Watch this new Congress in action. Or try to catch a flight and cop a feel.

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