Let's Review: Obama hits the circuit, Afghanistan smolders and Romo runs for his life

The author has been sent on the road to discover a lost country formerly known as America. He is reporting from where your relatives and America started - Jamestown, Williamsburg, and Yorktown, Virginia - on assignment for Or-Bust.com and The Source Weekly.

Obama, All the Time

In a PR blitz reminiscent of Viagra's launch, President Obama appeared on four morning talk shows Sunday, graying rapidly and those grin (or scowl) lines deepening. Here was his response to David Gregory on Meet The Press to assorted subjects. Health Care Reform: "This is hard... If this was easy it would have been taken care of by Teddy Roosevelt." About the push by Congress, with fears of socialism and the dropping of any public option for health care: "We wouldn't have gotten this far if we hadn't been pretty persistent... " To this, David Gregory, albino eyebrows astute, made us all miss Tim Russert even more - softballs all too common today. On Perceived Racism: "This is catnip to the media." The possibility of violence or assassination: "When we start caricaturing the other side, I think that's a problem... What gets you on the news is controversy. Look, we can have some serious disagreements... I do occupy a pretty special seat at the moment." Afghanistan: "I don't have a deadline for withdrawal, but I'm not someone who believes in indefinite occupation of other countries." More troops? "I'm the one answering to their parents if they don't come home." How does this advance America's national security interests? "That's the question that I'm constantly asking, because that's the primary threat why we went there in the first place." Al Qaeda: "How do we disrupt them, dismantle them, and destroy them?" Then, gazing distantly into space, seeming to summon a former President's stoicism, Obama added, "How do we balance freedom with our need to look after one another?"

Huh? Oh sh*t! It's Dubya - He had his hair curled and that treatment Robert Downey Jr. got for Tropic Thunder - The new boss is the same as the old boss!

Once again, ignoring a moment to ask a real question, David Gregory then asked Obama about the Chicago White Sox. Thereafter, anything said of importance by our President was immediately forgotten; fade to John Boehner (R-OH) and Lindsey Graham (R-SC), two elected officials who love subsidizing military contractors, faith-based organizations and farmers for not planting crops, but really, truly, honestly don't like socialism or voters with racist inclinations who consistently vote Republican.

Oh, About Afghanistan...

The classified report on Afghanistan by General Stanley McChrystal was leaked to the press this week (thanks Pentagon, or White House - Good thing 'Classified' still means something... ) and the findings are akin to waking up still drunk, cuddling a cousin. "Resources won't win... " this war, said McChrystal, but if we don't throw more resources at this war immediately, we may not win. Hmmm, gotta wonder what Stonewall Jackson would think of that statement.

Yay! We Have Health Care!

Thanks, Max. Baucus, that is. And thanks to the insurance and health care monopolies that contributed $2.5 million-plus to you, so you could totally impartially reform health care. The cost is under Obama's demand of $950 billion, but we will all soon be required (with fines of up to $3,500 per year) to buy insurance (without any public option to possibly compete with Baucus' buddies) from the same companies that have bankrupted our current system, then lobby guys like Max Baucus to "reform" it. I feel better now, don't you?

It's Jerry Jones' World, After All

105,121 "fans" filled the new shrine to Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones this past Monday. $1.15 billion was spent on this stadium with its giant, cutting-edge, yet mysteriously low-hanging scoreboard. Speaking of Giants, New York's made Jerry's big night a bust by beating the Cowboys 33-31. Why is this news? Because $1.15 billion was spent on a single building in America. This isn't Iraq, where we're used to such military contractor cost overruns, but America, where a record 105,121 people paid to see Tony Romo run for his life, and another Manning dominate the NFL. Speaking of NFLers on the run, Plexico Burress ended his from the law Tuesday morning when he packed his bags for an extended holiday at Rikers Island after a judge sentenced him to two years in prison for shooting a man (himself) in the leg at a New York nightclub with an unregistered handgun. Upon his release in 2011, Burress is expected to sign with the Eagles and then open a nightclub with QB Michael Vick in Texas where assault rifles will be welcome and cockfighting the primary form of entertainment - along with dollar Buffalo wings.

Department of Corrections

It's come to our attention that our math didn't quite add up in our recent Boot re: Oregon Lottery games and specifically the formula used to calculate bar and tavern owners share of the revenue. In fact, reducing the tavern owners take from 23.77 percent to 15 percent of the total would represent a roughly 60 percent reduction in revenue. That would bring down the average rake from roughly $70,000 per machine to about $44,170. We have placed the dunce cap firmly upon our heads and are proceeding to stand in the corner facing the wall. Meantime, all apologies to Mr. Maguire, our sixth grade math teacher, who is shaking his head in I-told-you-so disgust right now, wherever he is.