Q: Last year was a tough school year for my child; there were homework battles, fights around doing chores, projects forgotten until the last minute and so many distractions. Why are routine tasks so difficult for my child?
A: These routine tasks are closely related to the brain's Executive Function skills. In short, these are the skills required to get important things done. Organization, planning, time management, self-monitoring and task initiation are all examples of Executive Function skills. Parents and teachers often expect kids to know how to do these things, but we don't always teach them. The research is clear – Executive Function skills must be explicitly taught.
This quote from psychologist and author, Dr. Ross Greene, illustrates this beautifully. He says, "Children exhibit challenging behavior when the demands being placed upon them outstrip the skills they have to respond adaptively to those demands." So, when we see challenging behaviors, it just means that it's time to get curious. Ask yourself, "What if this (insert challenging behavior) is a skill thing?" Try to zero in on the skill that's lagging. That's a great place to start.
Q: The school routine can be so helpful for my family, but it often brings about tension. How can I help make this school year less stressful for the whole family?
A: Brains love routine! If I were to choose one thing that can help families during the school year, it's routines. Creating predictable routines in your home will help support your child's brain. If something is new all the time, brains must work hard to figure it out every time. It takes a lot of prefrontal energy to navigate novelty. And a brain that already struggles in this area must work especially hard!
So, routine, structure and consistency are super important. There are many routines to consider: wake-up routine, breakfast routine, getting-out-the-door routine, after-school routine, dinner routine, after-dinner routine, bedtime routine. Begin with the most stressful time of day, and don't forget to seek your child's input. But please know that routines take time. Give yourself permission to start small (even very, very, very small), and be gentle with yourself when life happens, and the routine doesn't work as planned. There's always tomorrow, and something is always better than nothing.
Q: My child is starting middle school this year. We are all a little anxious about this next step. What are some of the most important things to consider regarding this transition?
A: Routines will help with the middle school transition. Something else I teach in my coaching practice is to "make the invisible visible." Think about it: there are so many important things in life that are invisible. Time is invisible. Goals are invisible. Expectations, homework and chores are all invisible. Making these more visible is just one way to support your brain. We do what is in front of us. What could that look like? An analog clock to track time. A photograph of all items needed for school each day. A short, achievable list. A drop zone at the door. Put these in sight where they're hard to ignore. And since we do what is in front of us, keep distractions out of sight during work or chore times.
Q: I'm starting to wonder if my child has ADHD. How would I know for sure, and what can I do to help?
A: If you suspect your child might have ADHD, I recommend talking to your child's pediatrician. The only way to know for sure is to get your child tested. However, ADHD and Executive Function go hand in hand. So, one important way to help your child is to learn more about how to support their brain with Executive Function. Great news! You've already learned a few things today.
