Opportunities to choose to do life righter, brighter and better are available to us every day, all day long. Even when we don't feel like it. Pretty cool, eh?
I am assuming you know the last two words of this wise old lesson, "Fake it till you make it." I learned it a long time ago from the 12-Step program that has helped and continues to help untold millions of folks to live more productive, connected and loving lives.
It's telling us to be a kinder, more courageous and ethical person, even if we have to fake it, even if it doesn't feel sincere. Ultimately these positive behaviors become more natural with practice...and many, many people benefit from our effort. There is another associated wisdom, "Practice makes perfect." What we know for sure is that without practice, moving toward perfection can't happen.
But I have just a little problem with "Fake it till you make it." I understand, because a client recently told me, there is some curative humor imbedded in the "fake it" part. But still, "fake it" isn't the most accurate way to express this helpful wisdom. The version I came up with the other morning is:
"Do right, despite..."
Pause for a moment. Take a few gentle breaths through your nostrils, into your belly, slowly...and say it again: "Do right, despite..." Listen to yourself.
The three words are do, right, and despite.
Let's dig into them.
We'll begin with "do."
When it's all said and done, who we are is what we do. Thank goodness we are not what we think. Whew! I don't know about you, but if I was judged by where my mind goes, I'd be doing time somewhere...if I got lucky. Thank God we are not judged by our private thoughts! Our thoughts are essential, for sure. In many ways they help run our show. Our thoughts allow us to learn, discern, choose and plan, And, our mind can also be awful, cruel, seemingly out of control, but still, we are NOT our thoughts. What we do is who we are. What we choose to not do is also who we are.
Now, let's tackle the most important word in this three-word wisdom: "right." This one is huge—even bigger than huge. What is right?? People have argued about what is right since the beginning of time.
"I'm right."
"No, you aren't, I am right."
Those two lines are the key ingredients in every conflict. These are the oldest, most frequently used, aggressive sentences expressed in the history of humankind.
I cannot tell you what is right in your life. That isn't my job and I don't know what is right for you. I am still figuring it out for me.
But allow me to list some concepts that will move us into the realm of "rightness" that we are discussing today. Take a breath after each one and soak it in: kindness, honesty, generosity, forgiveness, react less, humility, patience, listen better, judge less, be curious, offer sincere apologies, smile, much more gratitude than complaints, make your bed in the morning, go to a state of awe every day—even twice a day.
Again, breathe into your belly, through your nostrils, slowly (this one can help us do all the above more easily.)
Enough examples for now. You get the idea. "Right" connects and nurtures, and whatever is "Not Right" disconnects and damages.
Lastly, "despite."
We have endless reasons for not doing what is right. Some are more legitimate than others. Here are a few I know well: I can be tired, in a hurry, stressed, low-blood sugar or just self-centered. It's easy to blame someone else for my less-than-right behavior. I've done all of these. I can defend myself and deny what I did was wrong, though I know the truth when I'm being honest.
Despite having someone to blame.
Despite having low blood sugar. Despite being exhausted, etc., etc., etc., we can choose to do right most of the time.
Regardless, we are always responsible for our behaviors even when we're not entirely in control of them.
Here is the key: by merging our highest intentions with vigilant effort, we can and will inevitably do better. Not always immediately, but we're now on the higher road.
Opportunities to choose to do life righter, brighter and better are available to us every day, all day long. Truly, this is one of our most amazing blessings.
One more breath for the road. ...
Thanks for reading.
- Burt Gershater is a counselor, leadership trainer, speaker and writer. He can be reached at [email protected]
