Mr. McMenaminuses, (Of course this is your "ghost-writer"
name.
Posted inOpinion
Intern
Posted inOpinion
Don’t Ignore Honduras
Central America is a blind spot in America's consciousness,
a region that can hardly be thought to matter much in the face of economic
meltdown and two wars in the Middle East. But few regions have as direct an
impact on the USA as Central America does.
Posted inOpinion
Too Quick to Dismiss Facebook
Mr. Lockwood,
I just got done reading your article from this week on
Facebook.
Posted inCulture
A Peach at 40: A day at the Oregon Country Fair
Andre the Giant’s basket weaving tutorial starts at noon. Twenty years ago, I attended my first Oregon Country Fair. It was a spontaneous adventure, unsanctioned
Andre the Giant's basket weaving tutorial starts at noon. Twenty years ago, I attended my first Oregon Country Fair. It was a spontaneous adventure, unsanctioned by my parents, who believed me to be waterskiing. I've still never waterskied, but I've returned to the OCF numerous times over the past twenty years. I've escorted first-timers and have accompanied savvy fairsters, I've gone for multiple days and for just afternoons, have camped in some truly strange situations, and I have many memories - and some lost memories - from those past jaunts. This year was the 40th anniversary of the OCF and not a lot has changed.
It's true that you can wear whatever you want or as little as you want (best to paint those parts). Costumes, masks, and stilts abound. People-watching and shameless eavesdropping are de rigueur. This year, I saw a white-faced bozo-clown smack a loin-clothed, lovely and manly hippie-boy on his bare derriere. I saw whimsically painted pregnant bellies and naked parts I'd have preferred to have ignored. I love the loops of maze-like trails, the pockets of peacefulness along the stream, and the shady dragon-benches to take a respite from the shuffling, meandering masses, constant streams of dusty, compacted, variously scented fairsters searching for something special-a lantern, a massage, spiritual inspiration. Honestly, I was tempted to stop and talk to the shaman; what might he have advised?
Posted inCulture
Brilliantly Baffling: Japanese auteur delivers on the DS
Take the briefcase and run.I was clear-headed and sane when I arrived, driving Giggs my Toyota Celica and carrying my briefcase Catherine. But on Lospass
Take the briefcase and run.I was clear-headed and sane when I arrived, driving Giggs my Toyota Celica and carrying my briefcase Catherine. But on Lospass Island, everything shifted towards the strange. The sun sat perpetually overhead, casting a never-dilating disc of shadow beneath my feet. Trees, lush and tropical from a distance, thinned into non-existence, then emerged obliquely as I passed. And the island itself looked as though a tiny digital image had been enlarged and laid upon the ground, the pixels assuming monstrous proportions, stretching into a blurred and bloated landscape that was only sensible if viewed from far above-say, from a jet plane moments before it exploded.
Every day concluded with that horrific bloom overhead-plumes of flame and a stain of smoke. I knew it was a disaster that I had been summoned to stop, but I couldn't even leave my hotel, the "Flower, Sun, and Rain," with guests blocking my way, insisting that I help them find things they had mislaid-briefcases, balls, cocktails, afro wigs. Only the girl in white didn't trouble me as she glided through my dreams trailing my trail after her pink crocodile Christina. And then the phone would ring, my coffee would arrive and the day would begin again until again it ended-BOOM-up in the bright turquoise sky.
Posted inCulture
Clone Wars: Sam Rockwell descends into the dark side of the moon
This is ground control to Major Bowie…your son directed this movie.The previews for Moon are misleading and for once that’s a good thing. This is
This is ground control to Major Bowie…your son directed this movie.The previews for Moon are misleading and for once that's a good thing. This is not a space-age horror/time-warp/psychological thriller, but rather a socio-politico commentary on the present, taking place in the not so distant future.
The film focuses on the psychological ramifications of cabin fever and the bleak outlook of the onset of cloning. Sam Rockwell plays two roles-a lone astronaut about to go home in two weeks, and his clone. Revealing the clone is no spoiler; It's all set up fairly early.
Beginning with a TV commercial touting Lunar Industries, a company that makes safer, cleaner air by harvesting moon rocks, Moon veers into strange territory almost immediately. Sam Bell (Rockwell) is the sole worker on a moon outpost, in charge of maintaining all the equipment, vehicles and the moon station itself. His only companionship is a beat-up, helper robot computer (reminiscent of 2001's HAL) named Gerty (voiced by Kevin Spacey). Gerty shuffles and glides around to assist Sam at every step. Resembling a dilapidated X-ray machine, with a "kick me" sticker on his back and a yellow smiley face on a video screen to exhibit his "emotions," Gerty provides comic relief-or does he? Deception and perhaps hallucinations come into play as Sam receives mail from his wife in the form of delayed video feeds thanks to a busted communications satellite. Sam has little interest in anything but going home. But soon, one thing after another goes wrong and Sam is face to face with a cloned version of himself. Their confusion (and consequently ours) becomes the main focus as to what's next on this planetary agenda.
Posted inCulture
Bend likes Brüno?: Yep, except for this list of moments
Animal cruelty?At the opening night screening of Brüno at the Old Mill cinema no one walked out. Not the giggling groups of teenage boys, not
Animal cruelty?At the opening night screening of Brüno at the Old Mill cinema no one walked out. Not the giggling groups of teenage boys, not those engaged in middle-aged man-dates, not the hand-holding couples, not even the lady who gasped, "Oh my god" at five-minute intervals. No, the entire audience sat stalwartly through the sexual equivalent of Saw V. The mechanical dildos, the swinging penis, the champagne bottle butt plug, the anal bleaching, it was all very well received.
I don't think we can discern whether the Bend community is inured to onscreen iniquity, jaded, or actually more liberal than previously thought. Yet, there were a handful of moments when the laughter disappeared, and the audience quieted to a nervous-coughing hush-and from these moments we can learn. There are some things that can still shock, that cannot be tolerated, and so instead of the article that we had in mind (Bend's Ten Biggest Walk-Out-of-Brüno Moments) here instead is… Bend's Six Biggest Though-We-Understand-We're-Watching-Brüno-We're-Not-OK-With-That Moments.
1. The souvenir severed foot of an African elephant retrieved from an airport luggage conveyor. The illegal procurement of animal limbs for novel umbrella stands is NOT okay with the people of Bend and will be met with a dire silence. An African baby arriving subsequently in a box marked "fragile," is, however, very funny. And, with "awws" everywhere, also quite cute. From this we presume Bend to be extremely environmentally friendly.
Posted inFood & Drink
The Be Better Bloody Blues
I, along with many, have experienced the worst of the worst this allergy season. One day I was frolicking about, allowing the sun to make
I, along with many, have experienced the worst of the worst this allergy season. One day I was frolicking about, allowing the sun to make my golden tresses blonder, my pale skin bronzier, and my deranged spirit lighter. And then, mysteriously, I couldn’t breathe. There was no doubt that a little hit of Advil Cold & Sinus would allow me to smile while telling people about the soup de jour.
Sniffling my way through the pill aisle, I found my beloved tablet wasn’t there. Assuming they were out-of-stock, I immediately ordered online only to find they couldn’t be shipped to Oregon. Thanks to this state’s abundance of meth producers, my only chance of not blowing snot bubbles while setting down someone’s tenderloin was blown.
In my college days, ephedrine was on every gas station counter-the bright blue and red Mini Thin label screaming out to, “Eat me, I’m so much fun with a margarita.” Or, “Eat twelve of me and you could write two term papers, take a ten-mile run, and scrub all your floors with a toothbrush and still feel fresh.
Posted inCulture
New to the Game: Up-river watersports you probably haven’t heard of
Editor’s Note: For more great Summer Adventure articles like this one, pick up our special issue for the full spread.
River Boarding
Several groups of river boarders reside in the area, each having a slightly different system. Some have bigger or different shaped boards, some use braided bungee for their stretch and some use a garage door spring to launch themselves upstream or into the air. The better riders will ride it backwards, without a handle or completely submerge themselves under the water and erupt out like some strange porpoise.
A River board is basically a large skimboard with a rope and handle that pass through the nose allowing the rider to lean back into the current and shoot upstream. The origins of the activity are unclear, but whisperings have been heard of Oregon coastal river denizens as late as 50 years ago using a deflated truck tire for stretch and homemade boards.
One of the great advantages of river boarding is the proximity of a great location within a few miles of downtown. The First Street rapids draw groups on any hot day taking turns bobbing back and forth with the current like a giant fishing lure. Since no company constructs the equipment needed for this sport, the best way to get involved would be to go to the rapids and check the action out, make some new friends and get in the water.
Posted inOpinion
Our Least Appreciated Species of Wildlife
Public officials and amateur biologists are tracking ominous reports this summer of a frightening invasive species, which has been tentatively named Homo moronicus Central Oregoniensis.
The creature reportedly is elusive and rarely encountered in its natural habitat. However, campers, hikers and others who claim to have observed it in the wild describe it as similar in appearance to Homo Neanderthalensis, except that it's stupider, smells worse and has inferior personal grooming.
While personal contacts with Homo moronicus are, fortunately, rare, evidence of its presence is encountered all too frequently.
Such evidence principally consists of tracks - typically made by oversized 4×4 truck or ATV tires plowing hub-deep through wetlands and other natural areas - and the creature's campsites, which are easily distinguished from human campsites by the presence of numerous empty cans of PBR, Coors, Budweiser and various other malt beverages.
