Morgan P Salvo

My first and most pressing question going into Fast Five was how bad would it be? Well seriously, it's God-awful, but it does exactly what it set out to do, succeed in action movie formula. It stays out of the annoying range for the most part and just gives us requisite testosterone-fueled smash-ups, shoot-outs, car chases, over-the-top action and, of course, muscular cars and muscular dudes. Don't get me wrong, this is still a terrible movie, but you can nevertheless happily sit back, toss logic out the window and cram popcorn down your gullet for two hours.
This is director Justin Lin's third Furious installment and he lays it on thick with little flair for anything but loud shit, complementing the onscreen flare-ups with super dramatic musical explosions. Lin is adept at keeping the action formula intact: three big chase scenes, one huge fight sequence and a little love interest to keep everyone who came to get their money's worth happy. The production is set in Rio de Janeiro, so of course we see that same ol' Jesus statue more times than necessary.

The Conspirator is a production by American Film History, a company committed to accurately portraying history in movies. Sure enough, Robert Redford's most recent flick since Lions for Lambs seems to have all the facts straight, but delivers such a deadpan and boring tale that by the end it seems like it probably belongs on the History Channel.
From the get-go we see that Redford is detail-oriented and infatuated with recreating the time period, but to a fault, and in many cases the performances are off the mark. With such an interesting piece of overlooked history – the trial of the eight people charged with conspiring to assist in the assassination of President Lincoln – this should have been a compelling flick loaded with angst and pathos, but as it stands, it lacks tension. We feel the urgency, even in thinking about the atrocities and depth of despair brought on by the Civil War, but Conspirator seems superficial and glossed over. The facts that unfold are monumental and comparable today to the injustices at Guantanamo Bay, yet it feels like one long, slow march toward the inevitable.

Paul Giamatti will never be a sex symbol or even a super star… but he should be both. Giamatti can run the gamut of emotions and is equally stellar in serious roles and comedic performances. He steals every scene he's in, taking on weirder, less mainstream roles with charisma to spare. But face it, Giamatti, with his bug eyes and ever-widening girth is a born character actor. And even though he might get the girl and even get to have sex, he is just not sexy.
In Win Win, balding and dumpy Giamatti portrays a suburban good guy, honest lawyer and high school wrestling coach who finds the perfect escape from his financial troubles by acting as the legal caretaker of an elderly client. His plan hits a wall and the situation spins out of control when his client’s troubled grandson arrives on the scene.

Ah… another haunted house movie or as the previews announce, “It's not the house that's haunted — it's your son!” Well, house or son, Insidious still qualifies as a haunted house movie and is thereby destined to suck.
As insipid and simplistic as this film is, it's a wonder it got the go ahead from its producers. I guess with the reteaming of director James Wan and writer Leigh Whannell (creators of the very first Saw) and Oren Peli, the producer of Paranormal Activity, there was a glimmer of hope. Instead, Insidious throws away any chance for redemption. The pairing of the best (Saw) and the worst (Paranormal Activity) filmmakers in the horror genre fails to break even.

Unfortunately, Zack Snyder, the guy who brought us the fast-paced Dawn of the Dead redux and the intriguing Watchmen, has softened to PG-13 territory. I went into the widely anticipated Sucker Punch wondering, will this film deliver or not? The previews looked promising. The premise of Catholic-school-meets-Victoria Secret girls fighting demons, dragons and kicking ass was somewhat appealing. Well, Sucker Punch not only doesn't deliver, it's a wretched mess. I can only assume the reason for its title is that it lands a roundhouse blow to the back of the audience's skull for not anticipating how incredibly lame it would be.
The extremely ridiculous plot unfolds in music video bravado and I half expected some titles in the corner to tell me which horrid rock band was doing “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).”

Limitless plays havoc with the old adage that most people use just 10 to 20 percent of their brain. But what if the other 80 or 90 percent were suddenly made available? Interested in what might happen? Thought so.
Broke, facing extreme writer's block and rejected by his girlfriend, deadbeat New York writer Eddie Morra (Bradley Cooper) is convinced that he has no future. Things change quickly when a shifty figure from his past introduces him to NZT, a new synthetic drug that enhances mental abilities. Immediately after popping a clear little pill, Eddie's neurons get turbocharged. Stoked on NZT, Eddie rises to the top of the financial world. He attracts the attention of tycoon Carl Van Loon (Robert De Niro), who believes he can use Eddie to make a fortune. But Eddie also suffers from terrible withdrawal side effects, a dwindling supply and bad decisions (including Russian mob involvement) that threaten to destroy his future.

Miguel Arteta (Chuck and Buck, Youth in Revolt) deserves credit for being the only director to yank a decent performance out of Jennifer Aniston in the past decade with The Good Girl. In Cedar Rapids, he provides a straightforward story about a fictional Wisconsin town, Brown Valley, and the heroic turn of its dweeb insurance man, Tim Lippe (Ed Helms), who is sent to Cedar Rapids to represent his company at a convention. Lippe soon finds himself mixed up with three veterans of the convention circuit.
Simplistic to the hilt with real-life scenarios, Rapids is not a wacky comedy, but a heartfelt look at a man doing right no matter how messed up things get. Like Fargo, we find corruption amidst the small-time wheeling and dealing – only sans the wood chipper.

The Adjustment Bureau is a sci-fi action thriller, love story and parable all rolled into one and writer/director George Nolfi combines all the elements to tell a somewhat balanced story.
Based on Phillip K. Dick's 1954 short story, “Adjustment Team,” about an insurance salesman who learns that he's a puppet on a string controlled by a clandestine organization. Writer/director George Nolfi, who also penned The Bourne Ultimatum screenplay, has made considerable, ahem, adjustments to the story, though it looks like the business suits (especially the hats) are holdovers from Dick's era.

Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, Birdy… these are films that come to mind when I think back to when Nicolas Cage was good. Maybe it all started with Captain Corelli's Mandolin. That's when I realized that maybe Cage wasn't cut out for “mood pieces.” Now all he does are somber monotone performances in flicks that put me in a bad mood.

Russell Crowe, Brad Pitt and Colin Farrell have all donned ancient Roman attire, and now we can add to the sword-and-sandal fraternity… Channing Tatum? Turns out it's not such a bad call, since The Eagle has little dialogue to screw up. This must be “survival month” at the movies because beyond the themes of honor and freedom, at the core this movie is another installment of “will they or won't they make it?”
The ominous tone sets this movie immediately apart from Hollywood mainstream gladiator territory. Academy Award-winning director Kevin MacDonald (The Last King of Scotland) teams up again with screenwriter Jeremy Brock for this historical epic set in second century Roman-ruled Britain. A young Roman soldier, Marcus Aquila (Channing Tatum), endeavors to restore honor to his father’s memory by finding his lost legion’s golden emblem, the treasured eagle. It's been 15 years since the Ninth Legion of 5,000 men, led by Marcus' father, went missing in the mountains of Scotland. Aquila’s only traveling companion on his quest for the eagle emblem is his British slave, Esca (Jamie Bell). Along the way they confront the savage tribes of the land and not knowing if Dad's actions were of cowardice or bravery, Marcus is at battle within to prove himself.