Posted inOpinion

Open Your Ears

It’s time to open your ears and shut your mouth.

What is with all the complaining about the sound quality at the free shows around town?
I am an astute concertgoer who has noticed some of the uneven sound. I attribute it to the diverse styles of music these guys must mix every day.

Posted inOpinion

What's That, You Say?

Something has become quite clear about the readers of the Bulletin.

Flipping through Monday's edition of The Bulletin, it became clear that the readers of our daily paper are either a) quite old b) not especially great listeners or c) fans of the latest hearing assistance devices. In the “A” section of the paper alone, there were three full-page ads for hearing aids.

Posted inOpinion

Your Straight Poop Now Available via Streaming Print!

The newest freshest poop around.

Monday, July 11
Descending to the depths: Five senior Scotland Yard investigators reported to have had cellphones hacked by Rupert Murdoch's News of the World … The Sun, another Murdoch rag, allegedly stole medical records of former Prime Minister Gordon Brown's infant son, who has cystic fibrosis … Shareholders file suit against Murdoch's News Corp., accusing it of “complete failure” to properly oversee operations at NOTW … Well, this had to happen: St. Martin's Press to publish book by psychiatrist entitled Inside the Mind of Casey Anthony. We really don't want to go there … Just when we needed some good news: Scientists discover “superbug” strain of gonorrhea in Japan that resists all current antibiotics.

Posted inOpinion

The National Guard's Cheesy Move

National Guard is given the boot for promising money that was never given.

When a merchant uses bait-and-switch tactics on customers, it's sleazy. If the government used bait-and-switch tactics on young men and women to entice them to join the armed forces and put their lives at risk, it's so far beyond “sleazy” there's no adjective strong enough to describe it.
Chelsea Wells was a 17-year-old high school senior in Milton Freewater when the National Guard pulled what looks like a bait-and-switch move on her. The bait was the promise of a $20,000 recruitment bonus for agreeing to become an intelligence analyst, a “critical skills” position. Half was to be paid when Chelsea signed up, the other half after three years of service.
Chelsea collected the first $10,000. But when she tried to collect the rest of the bonus in 2010, the National Guard told her she could forget about it. The position she was recruited for “was not on the critical skills list on the date of [her] enlistment,” the Guard's pencil-pushers claimed, so she wasn't going to get the second $10,000.

Posted inOpinion

Greg Walden and the Other Dim Bulbs

The newest ones to be given the boot!

We swore we were going to resist the temptation to write any light bulb jokes about this topic, but we just couldn't stop ourselves. So here goes:
Q. How many votes does it take to screw the American consumer?
A. Fifty-two more than the Republicans had this week.
On Tuesday, the House defeated the Better Use of Light Bulbs Act – BULB, get it? – the Republican Party's latest offensive in its War on the 21st Century. The BULB Act would have repealed the part of a 2007 law that imposes more stringent energy efficiency standards for light bulbs.

Posted inOpinion

This Week’s Number

Numbers, Republicans, GOP

$2,500
That's how much a small and exclusive group of Portland Republicans paid earlier this week to attend a private fundraiser with GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
Roughly 70 people attended the lunch event, paying $1,000 a plate for the privilege of meeting with Romney.

Posted inOpinion

This Straight Poop Compiled Without Hacking: We Guarantee It

poop, Rupert Murdoch

Monday, July 4
Happy Birthday, America: Millions celebrate 235th anniversary of American independence with parades, fireworks, and large amounts of barbecued food and beer … Joey “Jaws” Chestnut wins Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest fifth time in row, scarfing 62 dogs … Lotsa luck, Americans: Obama administration ready to offer tens of billions in Medicare and Medicaid cuts to get deal with Republicans on debt ceiling … Fighting back: Lawyers for Dominique Strauss-Kahn plan slander suit against woman who accuses him of sexual assault in 2002 … Long arm of the law: Jack Daniels McCullough, 71, of Seattle charged with murder of 7-year-old girl in Illinois in 1957 after discovery of unused train ticket demolishes his alibi … End of the line: Archduke Otto van Hapsburg, last heir to the once-mighty Hapsburg Empire, dies in Germany, age 98.

Posted inOpinion

A Failed Experiment: What a Georgia's short-sighted politicians can teach us about immigration

After passing House Bill 87, Georgia farmers are seeing the effects first hand.

Three months ago, Georgia Republicans proudly passed House Bill 87, an Arizona-style anti-immigrant bill that, among other things, requires employers to use E-Verify to confirm the legal status of their employees.
Today, Georgia farmers (most of whom voted for those Republicans) are leaving hundreds of millions of dollars of crops rotting in the fields, unable to find the manpower to do the grueling work of harvesting in 100-plus-degree weather. Republican Gov. Nathan Deal has even pushed unemployed criminal probationers out into the fields to little effect: The work is just too difficult.
“Those guys out here weren’t out there 30 minutes and they got the bucket and just threw them in the air and say, ‘Bonk this, I ain’t with this, I can’t do this,” one probationer told The Washington Post. Early reports suggest that just half of probationers even bothered showing up a second day. Farmers aren’t happy either. “The plan to put probationers on farms ain’t gonna work,” a farmer told the Gainesville Times. “I want to be a farmer; I don’t want to be a warden.” Even under the best-case scenario, the 2,000 unemployed probationers in south Georgia are just a fraction of the (at least) 11,000 farmhands who have disappeared from Georgia fields, according to the state’s agriculture commissioner.

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