Imagine seeing your guide being catapulted a dozen feet in the air, legs running airborne above water that's raging over boulders the size of a small car. Not a normal occurrence for my friend and river guide David Kinker or the Crooked River. Yet it's those moments that brought 27 boaters, made up of two catarafts, two rafts, and 16 kayakers together to celebrate an April day. The conditions for our trip are seen a few days to a week per year on the Crooked, and not necessarily every year. In our case, the high flows created about five rapids in the class IV and V range within towering narrow canyon walls. These required expertise in setting up safety lines and a high level of awareness at all times from fellow boaters.
Outside Features
Holy Hair! Why playoff beards are better than the actual playoffs
I don't watch much hockey. During a standard non-Olympic year, which we happen to be in presently, I would guess that I take in a culmination of about three full games, maybe more if you add in the amount of hockey I watch at bars during the commercial breaks of college basketball games.
But last week, I ended up viewing at least a half hour of a Stanley Cup Playoffs match up between the Vancouver Canucks and the Chicago Blackhawks on Thursday, and then almost another full period of a game between Buffalo and Philadelphia later in the weekend. And I realized something about hockey players: These guys kind of look like hell. I mean, in the same way I typically look like hell – eyes in need of a nap, teeth that could use some work, hair terribly unkempt and a beard that's completely out of control. This was when I remembered one of the few things that I like about hockey, other than the fancy backward skating: “playoff beards.”
Trail Riding Opportunities Aplenty: A glance at Central Oregon's current singletrack conditions
With the rains at the end of this past week and sprinkles over the weekend, nearly all of the local mountain bike trail networks are in prime shape for spring riding. Adding to the great (read: just tacky enough) trail conditions is the fact that wildflowers are beginning to appear along some routes.
So without further ado, here's a handy guide to decent spring riding, and in some cases, updates on possible changes to certain trail systems.
Maston Allotment
The Maston has been riding firm and fast and much later into the spring because of so much rider traffic over the past two years. Note that some of that firm trail will go away in the future as it's being replaced by a new alignment. Given the Maston's sandy soils, some time will pass before we have a decent tread again in that section.
You Need 61 Days? When the NBA playoffs finally end, I'll already be really old
Last weekend, I settled in for two mostly uninterrupted days of NBA playoff basketball. Then, on Monday morning, I took a photo of myself.
Why? Because I plan on getting deep into this spring's edition of the NBA playoffs – regardless of how the Blazers fare – for the first time in half a decade and I needed to capture an image of myself as a young man. When the playoffs are finally over, my beard will have turned gray, the wrinkles on my forehead multiplied, my fear of immigrants quadrupled. My emails will be sent from an AOL account and written in all capital letters and I’ll begin speaking of little other than the weather… because I'll be super old by the time these playoffs are over. But hey, at least I might have an RV or a golf cart.
Let it Snow: Spring is a fine time to see and survive the Lower Deschutes
I got the call to run the Lower Deschutes as little bullets of hail pounded against my window Thursday night. But it's difficult to get motivated to spend the weekend on the river when it's snowing. So, I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't go if it were to snow the next morning. Instead, I'd stay warm and cozy all weekend by the fireplace, reading and getting some work done.
It was snowing Friday morning when I woke up, but aside from that, I had no good excuse not to go. I had access to all the gear I needed to keep me warm, and this would also be a very special occasion: the maiden voyage of my friend Sandy Arch's new 130-foot raft, which she christened Little Sweetie.
“Goff vs. Golf” at the Masters
For four days every April, I get hooked on a televised sporting event called The Masters. The sport in question is “goff.” It looks a lot like golf, but according to patrician looking elderly men in green blazers appearing on the Masters television broadcasts, it's “goff.”
Masters goff is about wealthy young men playing a golf-like game in front of an extremely well-dressed and polite audience in a fairyland setting known as the Augusta National course.
Home on the Range: Cast and blast at Lake in the Dunes
You don't come to Summer Lake, Oregon, in March for the weather. This is the country where, according to local legend, Northwest explorer John C. Fremont was nearly stranded in the mountains overlooking the windswept basin and its namesake water body. Nonetheless, my companions couldn't resist pointing out during a recent trip to the Lake in the Dunes, just outside Summer Lake, that they had enjoyed T-shirt weather the previous year on the same weekend. Thankfully, we weren't there for the weather, which proved a mix of gusting winds, freezing temperatures and blowing snow, usually all at once, during the course of our weekend stay at the sportsmen's ranch that lies about two hours southeast of Bend.
You Were Right: Congrats to the UConn basketball fan who called and threatened me with violence
There are two things you can be sure of when you begin penning a sports column, even if most of what you write, like in this column, is intentionally childish, mostly ridiculous and deep-fried in sarcasm. The first thing is, a few people will really like what you write, and maybe a few of them will tell you so. Secondly, a few people will really not like what you're writing and all of them will tell you about it.
For example, here's what happened on Thursday:
First the phone rang in our office, as it does at least 10 times a day. Then, someone told me I had a call. I answered jovially, because that's how I greet the people kind enough to call me.
I'm Your Huckleberry: From dawn till dusk with the Mt. B ski patrol
It's 8:15am. Snow safety supervisor John Millslagle's ski patrol radio crackles, a voice comes through, “30 seconds on the cornice… ”
Standing near the edge of the west ridge of Mt. Bachelor's Summit Bowl he turns toward me and shouts over the noise of the wind, “You're going to want to plug your ears and open your mouth… it's going to be pretty loud.”
It's a cold and windy 15-degree blue bird morning on the summit. It's been snowing for a few days and the summit has been closed. Millslagle, a 17-year Mt. Bachelor patrol veteran and his patrol partner, Simca Lachman, cover their ears. Along the ridge and across the bowl, the two other pairs of patrollers do the same.
“Small” Basketball in the Big Time: Don't think Butler vs. VCU in the Final Four is the greatest thing in sports history? Well, you're kind of a jerk
For all of you who started paying attention to college basketball sometime at the end of February and are getting all pissy because there are two teams from outside the sacred circle of the BCS fraternity in the Final Four, you really need to shut up. Stop calling into sports talk radio shows (no one listens to that stuff anymore), don't bitch about your bracket in public (everyone is screwed, so don't act so special) and if it's that damn hard for you to believe that both Butler and Virginia Commonwealth universities are in the Final Four, you shouldn't be watching college basketball.

