Outside Features

Have you seen that hilarious xtranormal cartoon about the Pole Pedal Paddle that made the rounds of the Internet last month (http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6369207/)? If you haven't, then you have definitely been under a rock or on a deserted island without Wi-Fi.
In the video created by JoeBlackCoffee (I'm dying to know who that really is, by the way), a typical Bendite explains the PPP to a long-haired poet: “It is such a Bend thing to do. If you don't compete in the Pole Pedal Paddle, you might as well not live in Bend. I do it every year and I get a mug every year. The Pole Pedal paddle is so sick. It is so sick that you basically have to call a doctor.”

I had just deplaned a 19-hour red-eye trek from Maui to Bend, saltwater in my hair, sunscreen in my eyes and sand between my toes. Kerie picked me up at the airport and we headed straight to 10 Barrel for a coffee porter. Halfway through our beers, she mentioned something about going to Hawaii for the weekend. At least, that's what I heard in my sleep-deprived, porter and melatonin daze. I looked out the window at the late April snow flurries and said that sounded good to me.
“Owyhee” is what she really said. It's actually an old spelling of “Hawaii.” The Owyhee River was named for three Hawaiian trappers who disappeared while exploring the uncharted river in 1819. It is a 280-mile long tributary of the Snake that flows through parched and sparsley populated landscape of northern Nevada, southwestern Idaho and southeastern Oregon. For kayakers and rafters, though, the Owyhee River is a dramatic high-desert float, full of sheer volcanic canyons, dry washes, prickly terrain, rollicking rapids and sweet hot springs.

This is my final column in a three-part series based on Hawaiian values. By the time you read this, I will have traded my Mr. Zog's sex wax back in for Swix yellow. But at least I've replenished my stores of vitamin D and vitamin sea, too.
PO'OKELA [poh'-oh-kay'-lah] – noun. Commitment to excellence
In Hawaii, the ultimate term of respect is to be called a “waterman” or “waterwoman.” He or she is a master of the ocean, excelling at all watersports: surfing, swimming, windsurfing, paddle boarding, canoe paddling, spear fishing, etc. On my first stay on Maui, a friend introduced me to Mary, a small, gruff, pig-tailed woman with bright white sunblock on her lips. She kind of harrumphed and climbed into her Zodiac, which she was piloting as a safety boat for a canoe race.

It seems like half of Bend is “on island,” as they say in Hawaii. I think many of us get a little stir crazy and head to the South Pacific this time of year. You can spot the Bendites by their pasty skin and ski poles. Seriously, I saw a guy pole hiking down the beach yesterday. I don't actually know if he was from Bend. Perhaps he was Canadian.
Wendy Oliphant was last seen riding a bike up Haleakala. The 38-mile road from sea level to the 10,023-foot summit holds the world record for climbing to the highest elevation in the shortest distance. If you want to do it as an organized event, check out Cycle to the Sun on August 21, 2010 at www.cycletothesun.net. If that's not challenging enough, you could run up Haleakala in the Run to the Sun ultramarathon, held each March. Roger Daniels holds an age group record in that event. Sally Russell is in Hana with her daughters and Amy Petersen just celebrated her birthday hiking through Maui's waterfalls… and the list from Bend goes on.

Aloha from Hawai'i! We all know “aloha” as the traditional Hawaiian greeting, but there's much more than a simple “hi” packed into the literal meaning of the word. It comes from the root words “alo” meaning “sharing” and “in the present,” and “oha” meaning “joy” and “ha” meaning “life energy.” Aloha, therefore means: “joyfully sharing life.”
The Aluminum Man Biathlon Series in Maui is exactly that.

Water, what wondrous stuff. Two hydrogen atoms sharing electrons with an oxygen atom. Seventy-five percent of the earth is covered by water. The human body is 60 to 70 percent water. We're supposed to drink eight eigh-ounce glasses of water a day.

This weekend came in like a lamb and went out like a lion, fitting for the first weekend of spring in Central Oregon.
After a gray El Nino winter, I think everyone in Bend went bonkers on Saturday when it was sunny and 71 degrees. It was hard to choose what to do that day, so most of us just tried to cram in as many outdoor activities as possible. I got in a road ride up to Wanoga without my neoprene booties and a run in shorts (exposing my winter-white legs) along the river trail. Bikers, runners and paddlers were scattered all over the place.
By Sunday, a front came through, bringing fresh snow to the mountain and blowing all my over-optimistically unveiled adirondack chairs off the deck. Oh well, that's how it goes, but the signs of spring are unequivocal – the daffodils are blooming and the PPP entry forms are out.

Did you know that your couch could kill you?
Yes, that inviting haven ofcomfort in your living room could actually be overstuffed with carcinogens. Every day, your friendly sofa may be burping off deadly gases and cancer-causing dust may be gathering on your lovely wool carpet.
Go flip over the cushions on your couch right now and look for a tag. If it says that it complies with “California Technical Bulletin 117,” then you've got a killer couch.
Arlene Blum has the data to prove it, but so far not enough people are listening. Arlene, a biophysical chemist at the University of California, Berkeley, is the founder of the Green Science Policy Institute. She also happens to be a pioneering mountaineer who led the first all-women teams up Denali and Annapurna in the 1970s.

The sands of time play before my eyes as I type. I see an hourglass, half-full, half-empty, depending on how you look at it. Today is my dog's birthday, and mine too. She's nine years old; I'm 48. Sometimes, getting older can be a good thing- like when you enter a new age group for PPP. But, the grey sprinkling Sprocket's muzzle and the bag of blue ice resting on my shoulder make me only too aware that we are past the out-and-back turnaround and headed toward the finish line.
A friend posted this familiar quote on his Facebook wall the other day: “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'”

The closing ceremonies of the Winter Olympics are almost here and most of Bend will probably go into TV withdrawal. I mean, how can you sit there and watch Desperate Housewives after the thrill of seeing Apolo Anton Ohno in action?
ICE CRIT
Seriously, is there anything more fun to watch than a criterium on razor blades? The next best thing, at least for those fans missing the winter sports action, may be the 2010 Ice Crit on March 6th at Wanoga Sno-park. Registration happens at the event at 6:30 p.m. and the race starts at 7 p.m. Any kind of bike is OK and costumes are encouraged. If I recall correctly, there was some bare skin at the last one. Race fee is $10 with profits going to COTA.