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Buy This Stuff! What football fans like to buy, according to the ads I saw during the Super Bowl

Here's what I learned about myself – as a football fan – by the products that were sold to me on Sunday.

So, yeah. My prediction that the Steelers would win the Super Bowl by way of a vast, mind-boggling conspiracy didn't exactly pan out. Whatever, who cares? I'm onto more important things now – like going out and purchasing all the items the Super Bowl advertisements told me I, as a football fan, should want. People, if you don't support the companies that pay in unicorn blood (the most valuable of all blood) for a 30-second spot during the Super Bowl, there won't be a Super Bowl next year. Seriously.
So, here's what I learned about myself – as a football fan – by the products that were sold to me on Sunday.

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When Animals Eat Bullets: The tragedy of lead ammunition

An animal being shot by a lead projectile is one thing, and a creature eating lead is another, but usually the outcome is the same, the animal dies. That’s what’s facing our eagles all too often.

An animal being shot by a lead projectile is one thing, and a creature eating lead is another, but usually the outcome is the same, the animal dies. That’s what’s facing our eagles all too often.
Recently, Jeff Cooney, a local raptor rehabilitation expert, and his sidekick, Jeannette Bonomo, were out near Millican driving on Highway 20, near the Fox Butte/Sand Springs junction when they saw two eagles perched on the cross-arms of power poles. Dr. Cooney, a noted expert on eagle physiology, was out in the area doing field research on eagle electrocution.

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A Super Bowl Conspiracy Theory: Pittsburgh Steelers? More like Stealers of Super Bowls

Friends, why don't I let you in on a little secret, all right? The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Super Bowl on Sunday.

Come join me over at my chalkboard, would you? Let me spike my hair up and gain 125 pounds and somehow get a nightly FOX News program on which I'm liable to cry at any moment. OK. Good. I am now in full conspiracy theorist mode.
Friends, why don't I let you in on a little secret, all right? The Pittsburgh Steelers will win the Super Bowl on Sunday. They might not win big or even have more points on the board when the clock runs out, but the Steelers will be named champions of the Super Bowl. Why? Um, I think it's pretty obvious. There exists a vast conspiracy to ensure that the Steelers win Super Bowls. Everybody is in on it, especially the referees. This thing goes all the way to the top baby, and you've got blinders on if you can't see it.

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Cave Robber Case Closed: Intrepid forest investigator hunts down missing lava cave formations

Eddy Cartaya is a caver with a strong sense of responsibility who wants to see our local lava caves protected. And he's in a unique position to do that as the Deschutes National Forest's law enforcement and investigations officer. When Cartaya introduced himself to the Oregon High Desert Grotto of the National Speleological Society, the local chapter of the national cave exploration and protection group, a light went on among several grotto members. They had heard rumors about someone taking formations from the Lavacicle Cave. This was not only illegal, but directly opposed to the NSS philosophy: “Leave nothing behind but footprints, and take nothing out but photographs.”
Officer Cartaya’s ears pricked up and he wanted to know more about Lavacicle. The more he listened, the straighter he sat in his chair, especially when he learned the cave is known worldwide for its unique lava formations. Discovered in 1959 by firefighter Max Stenkamp, Lavacicle revealed itself with a strong draft of air that ascended through the smoke of the Aspen Flat Fire. Stenkamp and his men followed the draft, but went only as far as the lavacicles and came out dazzled by the spectacle.

Posted inOutside

Take a Knee: Learn to telemark ski at Mt. Bachelor

I've been skiing since I was two. I had those little Traks you could attach to your snow boots with floppy straps, so it was a combination of Nordic and Alpine at the same time. My parents had the brilliant idea to just let me go at the top of our “wicked” steep driveway in New Hampshire and see how I fared on the way down. They were proponents of the “learn by doing” philosophy. We lived in North Conway, N.H., and with at least five ski areas in a 30-mile radius, this was serious business, even for toddlers.

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Goldfinches of Winter: They're not just summer birds anymore

Mary Smith, photographer, quilter and president of the Sisters Camera Club, lives about four miles from me, as the goldfinch flies, and each of has had goldfinches on our respective feeders throughout winter. To me, this is somewhat remarkable, as I tend to think of goldfinches as summer residents.
Many people, from Bend to Sisters, have created butterfly and bird habitat by planting bird-friendly plants. My wife, Sue, has modified the sagebrush, rabbit brush, juniper and bunchgrass habitat around our place dramatically with her native butterfly-friendly plantings, and Mary has done likewise. All it takes is heat and water – which reminds me of a framed sign I saw on the rotting floor of an old homesteader’s cabin:

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There's Football This Weekend! But it's the Pro Bowl… Yeah, bummer

Does anyone care about the Pro Bowl? Nope.

The NFL Playoffs (can anyone still say “playoffs” without employing Jim Mora's wild-ass inflection? I can't) have produced the two teams that will play in the Super Bowl down in Dallas. Remember back in the day when we'd power through the conference championships and the following weekend head full-steam into the Super Bowl?

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The Glory of Newberry: A new look at the biggest volcano in Oregon

No matter how many times you visit the Newberry National Monument, south of Bend, you’ll see something new every time, and probably something you wonder about, muttering to yourself, as I do so often, Now, how did that happen?

No matter how many times you visit the Newberry National Monument, south of Bend, you’ll see something new every time, and probably something you wonder about, muttering to yourself, as I do so often, “Now, how did that happen?”
I’ve been cross country skiing, hiking, logging – and now that I’m older – driving through, around and to the top of Newberry for more than 50 years, and it’s the same each trip: “Now how did that happen, and how did I miss it before?”

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Find a Race That Fits: There are plenty of chances for the casual skier to compete in Central Oregon

Just because they may be your neighbors, Olympians in bright-colored lycra racing around on the snow are an intimidating bunch. The skate ski crowd is almost neck and neck with the road bikers for having the most homogenous matching outfits and questionable-sponsorship wear. So, it's no wonder that here in Central Oregon especially, Nordic racing has a larger-than-life aurora surrounding it that may be off-putting to the “citizen skiers” who are considering getting out there just for the fun of it.

Posted inOutside

Sorry, Ducks: But if it's any comfort, I'm pretty sure Cam Newton is a cyborg

Auburn beat Oregon in the BCS National Championship game because Cam Newton is a Cyborg.

You feel that? It's not a winter chill. That's the sensation of disappointment – deep, burning, painful disappointment – flooding through the fields, mountains, rivers and city streets of Oregon. The Ducks didn't win the BCS Championship and thus the vast conspiracy to keep the Coaches Trophy in the hands of SEC teams and their swollen-bellied boosters remains intact. But barely.

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