All About Bend! 50 things this Phoenix resident learned about Bend by being here for 67 hours | The Source Weekly - Bend, Oregon

All About Bend! 50 things this Phoenix resident learned about Bend by being here for 67 hours

50 things this Phoenix resident learned about Bend by being here for 67 hours.

1.Before arriving in Bend, my knowledge of Oregon consisted of Pac-10 athletics and the Oregon Trail computer game I was mandated to play in fifth grade.

2. At no point is one presented the option of fording a river when traveling to Bend.

3. The Redmond Airport requires passengers to walk on the tarmac.

4. When ordering a beer, customers must provide an ID, and then list the basic ingredients of an IPA.

5. Bend is half the temperature of Phoenix, which is my hometown.

6. Oregon has trees.

7. Bend looks much like Flagstaff. I confirmed this conclusion with a Flagstaff native living in Bend.

8. Operating a phone and a motor vehicle is not a good idea in Oregon. In fact, it can land you in a world of hurt.

9. I am an amateur gas pumper and therefore unqualified to fill a tank of gas in the state of Oregon.

10. Every two hours in downtown Bend, a parked car must be moved the distance of a steroid-era home run.

11. If you don't drive a truck, or a Volvo or Subaru with a bike rack, you don't drive at all.

12. License plates suggest that Oregon has salmon, trees, veterans and a successful bicycle rights lobby.

13. Despite having no relation in quality or taste, one must respect PBR and Ninkasi concurrently.

14. Art shows can be hosted in converted churches.

15. Residents of Bend are required to know a minimum of one person in each public space they visit.

16. The weather is a useful point of conversation, especially when residents are referring to June as an "Indian Winter."

17. Six-dollar cab rides are outrageous. Five dollar cab rides, however, are completely reasonable.

18. "Bagel" is pronounced "beg-uhl."

19. There is no ban on wearing a beanie with shorts.

20. Dreadlocks do not exclude one from participating in the economy.

21. My cousin lives in Bend and is a Little League All-Star.

22. My other cousin is a rock climber.

23. This leads me to believe the children of Bend are athletic and/or adventurous.

24. If you don't drive a truck in Bend, you probably drive a Volvo or Subaru.

25. If you drive a Volvo or Subaru, you must have a bike rack.

26. There is no Memorial Day-to-Labor Day ban on beanie wearing.

27. There was once an old saw mill here. It appears to now manufacture Nalgene bottles and sleeping bags.

28. Bicycles, I've learned, are a convenient form of transportation.

29. The spring of 2010 was terrible.

30. Old buildings can be used for new things, like restaurants or Irish-themed hotels.

31. If properly equipped, which I was not, you could ski on Mt. Bachelor in June.

32. Polish Horseshoes is a game that has no relation to Europe or equestrian pursuits.

33. It is also an effective use of ski poles in the early summer.

34. People share gardens.

35. Hiking does not require daylight if you have proper light-equipped headwear.

36. At maximum depth of eight feet, Sparks Lake is too shallow for a diving board.

37. A snow fort is an achievable goal on the summer solstice.

38. The Deschutes flows south to north. I would have guessed the opposite.

39. If a friend tells you that Lewis and Clark lived somewhere in Bend, they are messing with you.

40. The U.S. Postal Service did a good job of delivering my postcard and in editing the city's original name of "Farewell Bend." I am pretty sure "farewell bend" is a yoga pose.

41. The most interesting biathlon I've heard of includes the expedient ascension of an inner-city volcano and the rapid consumption of 18 oz hamburgers.

42. Flights are twice a week, not every other hour.

43. There is no age limit on playing catch in that same park.

44. Comparing a stout to Guinness means you have nothing to say about porters. I was asked my opinion about two different stouts and all I could do was compare them to Guinness. I realize this means I think all black beer tastes like Guinness, and my palate is unsophisticated.

45. Three days of stubble qualifies as "clean shaven."

46. Frozen yogurt is making a comeback.

47. If you admit to seeing Twilight, quickly express excitement for the new soundtrack's Beck and Bat for Lashes collaboration. Having been filmed in Oregon, the films were brought up twice during my stay. This ploy allowed me to avoid admitting to seeing New Moon with my girlfriend.

48. When the sun is out and you are not at work, you must be outdoors.

49. Drake Park supports a thriving troupe of medievalists.

50. A good travel destination has good food and drink, friendly people and a respect for history. I ate and drank well, visited family and saw some old stuff. I would definitely visit again.

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