We believe Bend's Only Daily Newspaper deserves appropriate recognition for alerting our community to an insidious threat to our children: advocacy groups using the public school classrooms to push their dangerous, radical agendas.
Specifically, The Bulletin's editorial page last Friday revealed that representatives from The Environmental Center (you know, that hippie hangout on Kansas Avenue) "have visited Bend-La Pine classrooms on more than 40 occasions to give so-called EarthSmart presentations."And just what are these so-called EarthSmart presentations?
According to The Bulletin, they last 45 minutes to an hour and "cover such subjects as water conservation, composting, solar energy and the environmental impact of food."
You're appalled, right? So were we. But hold on - it gets worse. Much, much worse.
The Environmental Center's apparatchiks (we wouldn't be surprised to learn they're somehow connected with ACORN) have, on a number of occasions, distributed to their "captive audiences" something called an "Eco-Footprint Survey."
As The Bulletin explains, this document "contains 18 questions about the lifestyles of students' families. Kids are awarded points according to the number of faucets and toilets their houses have, what kinds of vehicles their parents drive, how much local produce their parents buy, how many 'large purchases' their parents have made in the past year, even how many full-sized cans of garbage their families produce every week. At the end of the survey, students add up their families' points and calculate an 'eco-footprint.' Then, they answer the following awful question: 'How many earths would it take to support us if everyone lived like you?'"
Can you imagine the cruel ostracism faced by the youngster whose family has a fleet of SUVs when all his classmates' parents drive Priuses? The jeers, the taunts, the playground bullying? And can you imagine the lifelong psychological scars inflicted on tender young minds by forcing them to think about the environmental impacts of the things they buy? Children should be encouraged to believe that their food, clothes, iPhones, Xboxes, laptop computers, flat-screen TVs, etc. are made by elves at the North Pole and delivered by Santa Claus disguised as the UPS man. It's the American Way.
Although The Bulletin only mentions The Environmental Center, we're sure there are scores of other advocacy groups spreading their toxic socialist-communist-fascist-anti-American doctrines to captive audiences in our public schools - doctrines like bicycle safety, fire prevention, bird watching, dental hygiene and god knows what else.
As The Bulletin succinctly puts it: "The district ought to guard the schoolhouse doors more carefully."
Therefore we urge the school district to appoint The Bulletin's editorial board as Official Schoolhouse Door Guardians and charge them with ensuring that the teachings of any advocacy groups allowed into the classrooms meet the highest standards of truth, purity and Americanism. Perhaps Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin would agree to serve as an advisory panel. Meanwhile, as a token of appreciation for services to date, we confer a special gold-plated BOOT on the collective posterior of the editorial board. We're confident it will earn many more.