Somewhere on Sunday, likely in a dimly lit cavernous room inside a decrepit castle atop a craggy mountaintop surrounded at all times by a lightning storm, sat the group of men, likely smoking cigars and likely wearing the finest of suits, who make up the collective brain of the Bowl Championship Series. The committee had just unveiled to the world that LSU and Alabama would be playing for the national championship and had also just laid out the slate of other BCS games.
"Excellent job, men," said one of the mysterious BCS men through a mouth full of caviar, which he quickly washed down with champagne that had been filtered through the horn of a unicorn.
The assembled men patted each other heartily on the back and exchanged other congratulatory gestures including, but not limited to, belly bumps and gifts of delicate meats and cheeses. Then, they promptly turned off all televisions, internet connections and any other modes of communication and descended back into their gold-lined sleep chambers where they would be comatose for a month until the largely uninteresting games they'd arranged actually begin.
This scenario, although impossible to verify (but quite likely), seems to be the only reasonable explanation as to why the BCS continues to exist. How else could these people continue slowly ruining the very fabric of American sporting fairness if it weren't for the fact that they're shielded from the overwhelming public disdain of the BCS while also helping institutions gain millions and millions of dollars?
But there must be some other people out there who actually like the process by which the BCS chooses its teams, right? And I mean non-SEC fans, of course. Those Southerners love the BCS and its generosity, as they should.
Having never actually met a supporter of the BCS process in person, here are my best guesses as to the sort of people who find the BCS perfectly acceptable:
People who thought that original LSU/Alabama matchup wasn't boring enough.
People who thought BCS was an acronym for something on the KFC menu, like Big Chicken Strip or Bloated Carcass Soup.
People who say things like, "Life ain't fair, kid. Get used to it."
People who are idiots.
People who cheered for Ivan Drago, Clubber Lane and/or Apollo Creed.
People, who as children, pushed Ronald McDonald aside in order to hug the Hamburgler at the grand opening of their local McDonalds.
People who really, really hate Boise State.
People who hate America.
People who said things like, "You know, I think Donald Trump would make a fine president."
People who watch Avatar and cheer against the aliens.
People who work as athletic directors at schools in the ACC.
People who think Adam Sandler's Jack and Jill should have made millions of dollars.
People who actually saw Jack and Jill.
People who think Bernie Madoff got a raw deal.
People who are named Bernie Madoff.
