There are a few givens that can lead a man to drinking: divorce, death of a loved one, and the use of a voice-activated phone menu system. Even the most tolerant will find themselves throwing the phone across the room after they have had to repeat “check account” sixteen times to hear the same voice repeat again and again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t get that.” Succumbing to screaming, “No kidding you didn’t get that. You are a goddamn voice without a brain – so how could you possibly GET THAT?” You walk to the bar because nothing cures a broken soul like a cocktail.
Sitting on your barstool feeling slightly ashamed that you are the only person in the bar mid-afternoon, you start to wonder whose idiotic idea it was to have you clearly shout your account number and password repetitively into the phone. What was wrong with pushing the buttons? Obviously there is a lobby by Identity Thieves of America to keep up this practice, as there is no doubt they are all over Washington doling out gifts and promising senators favors to keep this system alive.

