A Single Sort of Valentine

Dating is a special kind of hell in Central Oregon. The town is quite small and a good majority of the people are very sporty, active and outdoorsy. I mean, I like a hike as much as anyone else, but I guarantee you, the first time I snowboard or ski is the last time I have full use of my arms and legs. I think I’m more of a picnic-with-a-blanket-and-a-book kind of guy, where we read to each other under a tree, near a basket full of assorted edible sundries.

For years, it has felt like going on the dating apps just gives you a recycling of the same few dozen people, yet, post-pandemic, it’s felt like meeting people IRL is even harder, as some subconscious part of ourselves retreated inward and hasn’t fully poked its head back out. Like, so many of us are out there at bars, concerts and events, meeting new people, but there’s still an aspect of existence that makes me feel like we’re all still a little emotionally unavailable and wondering if it’s safe yet.

For this feature, I wanted to write about what it’s like being single in Central Oregon, not just for Valentine’s Day, but any day. Personally, I really enjoy being alone until it sometimes tips the scales into loneliness. Being on the periphery of people (like in a coffee shop writing this story or in a candlelit bar working on a poem) sometimes recharges those batteries and I feel like I get all the personing I can handle. I reached out to several Central Oregonians to check in and see how they’re handling single life. Here’s what I learned.

the Source: How do people connect romantically?

Abby: (43, getting her master’s in behavioral-psychology/translational neuroscience at U of O). The idea of marrying for love or loving your spouse is very recent and it was thought of as abnormal when it first came around. Marriage has always been about increasing wealth, strengthening the family name, land, and empire, etc. We marry based on temporary infatuation and we don’t need to marry for the old-fashioned purposes, which is why marriage as we have reshaped it, is destined to fail.

tS: So what is the ideal way to connect?

Abby: In person. A lot of dating websites are in trouble because they made the algorithm like an addictive game on purpose. They made it to make money. They know statistically odds are low for connections. They are relying on our phone addiction and the way it floods our brains with dopamine and that’s why connections are short-lived and ghosting exists. It’s a pseudo-relationship. Dating apps and pornography have destroyed our brains. Love, marriage and dating are all European constructs that don’t exist in most other societies. We are OK being single. Really. We are!

tS: Do you find that it’s harder or easier to find connections on the apps?

Zeke (54): The dating app ecosystem is jacked. But it’s better than nothing.

Dakota (41): It’s harder on the apps. Honestly, I like my current relationship/situationship. I also identify as panromantic. But with apps, it’s either sex heavy or people just don’t get the asexual or situationship thing. Usually, once they find out I’m asexual, they stop talking.

Dustin (30): Unfortunately, it’s the easiest way right now. Meeting people in person is actually impossible.

tS: What makes it impossible?

Dustin: Increased isolation and resentment due to the political and social climate, I believe, has resulted in the inability for us to fully trust situations, romantic or not. For gay people specifically, at least from my perspective, I have a hard time imagining myself feeling comfortable in a relationship anymore, given what we are going through as a nation. It feels like it doesn’t matter or shouldn’t, which I know is wrong, but it almost feels like it’s not worth it at all to even try to feel happy in a romantic relationship.

tS: Is dating in Central Oregon uniquely positive or negative? Do you think you’ll find your person here?

Marie (28) A positive is that people tend to be outdoorsy and health-conscious, so if you’re into that, it can be easy to find like-minded people. A negative is that since Bend is so touristy, it can be hard to find a long-term partner.

Zeke: It’s probably like dating in any small town. There are generally only a few different types of people here. Of course, there are exceptions. But if you are looking for the outdoorsy type, you’re in luck! How about highly competitive athletic types? Bingo! Divorced yuppies? Oh yeah! People working in the medical field? Plenty to pick from. If you’re looking for creative professionals, good luck. Slim pickings.

Crystal (41): I’ve noticed a common dynamic of surface-level explorers who thrive off the illusion of endless options. Our environment calls in adventure and adrenaline junkies who desire to climb real and symbolic mountains for conquest. Yes, I think my person is here or will be moving here if not … as I do not plan on leaving Central Oregon unless the Apocalypse truly arrives. Not sure how I will meet him… I have zero doubt I have a match and he is probably a Bad Ass Divine Human whose first instinct is to heal the Humans… not harm them.

Virlene (mid-70s): I’ve heard other women say that the men here are more interested in pursuing their outdoor activities than spending time with romantic partners. Don’t know how accurate that might be. I have given up trying to date and found enjoyment in group activities with men and women who share mutual interests. So maybe I’m in that camp myself.

Brad (39): Good and bad. Good things… new people. But, again, everyone knows each other. Bad things, those people who are married, still in the closet (still a thing in 2026), and don’t want anyone to know they like guys. I just talked on Grindr today with a guy… handsome as hell. But I saw in one of his pics that he was wearing a ring. Married to a girl, she doesn’t know he’s flirting on a gay app.

tS: Is it uniquely difficult being single in modern times?

Sasha (44): Take into account how hard it is to just make bills single, especially as a single parent. If you own or rent a home, you’re barely getting by single. Or at least I am in that boat, as a single parent. As far as dating goes, Central Oregon is full of Peter Pans who just want to play and have no interest in relationships (at least in the 40-50 year age group). I’ve been single for the bulk of 16 years, at 44, I’ve given up on even attempting to date here, even though I have no desire to be single anymore. It’s too much of a playground here, and fellas don’t seem to want to commit anymore. And I’m not interested in dudes that live in vans and snowboard all day or live in an apartment with three other dudes smoking weed all day. It’s like the guys I dated as a teenager never grew up.

tS: What advice would you give someone single on Valentine’s Day?

Karen (Gen X): Extravagantly love those you do have in your life, and honor those connections…Your kids, friends, pets, family…and treat yourself. It’s a day about love. It is not an empty cliché that the world needs that. We need it more than ever.

Brad: Valentine’s Day is just another day. Yes, it’s based on love and having someone. Celebrating that. But, ultimately, you need to love yourself to be loved. As cliché as that sounds.

Virlene: Throw a Galantines party or a dinner for single friends. Maybe volunteer at one of the homeless shelters.

Dakota: Don’t get hung up on the “togetherness” of it all. Do something or get yourself something you love. Self-love is very important.

Dustin: Weed, John Waters, maybe a nice glass of Pinot Grigio. FaceTime with a friend. But if you can obviously score a date or something, definitely go for it. Scary, but probably worth it.

Abby: Don’t fall for the consumerism of Valentine’s Day. That’s all it is. Or…. focus that day on doing Valentines for your kids, friends, or yourself — it’s just as fun and more rewarding. Why be mopey about it? Why would you want a partner who only buys you that stuff once a year anyway? Every day, you should let the people you love know you love them. It’s named after a saint who was beheaded by Claudius Caesar; what is romantic about that? Makes as much sense as doing Easter egg hunts with bunny rabbits to celebrate the resurrection.

Regardless of whether you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere on the broad spectrum in between, one thing is certain: don’t ever forget how special you are. Finding love is a gift, but no amount of validation takes away from your importance and the beauty you add to this world. Have a nice Valentine’s, no matter your story. You deserve it.

This article appears in the Source February 5, 2026.