My column, for years, ran in over 100 papers across the US and Canada, and in the military paper, the Stars & Stripes. It is “applied science,” meaning I read and vet scientific studies, translate them from the professor-ese into clear, understandable language, and then use them as a springboard to help people reframe their […]
Amy Alkon
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Cower Struggle
Cower Struggle I’m a 20-something single woman. I just moved to a new city where I don’t know anybody. I’d like to meet people, but I work from home, and I’m pretty shy. The idea of having to earn people’s acceptance in a new environment (and possibly making a mess of it) leaves me tempted […]
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Muzzle-Bound
My wife and I got married eight months ago. Whatever I suggest for the apartment — a paint color, a bathroom fixture — my wife immediately dismisses. For example, the living room couch she wanted was too huge for the space: a really awkward, uncomfortable fit. She kept ignoring objective facts about spatial relations — […]
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Ex Salad Sandwich
My boyfriend of a year is caring and thoughtful and perfect in nearly every way — except one. He’s really good friends with his ex. They grab lunch every week, and she’ll call him to vent or get advice. He assures me they’re just friends, but I can’t help but feel threatened. Is it crazy […]
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Grille Cheese
Female, 25, straight, single, and looking for a boyfriend on dating apps, as are my female friends. We’re all wondering what’s with these guys who post profile photos of themselves lying across the hood of a Lamborghini with their ridiculous greased abs on display. It’s like the opposite of cool; it’s immature and ostentatious and […]
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Mud About You
Mud About You I’m a recently divorced woman. With COVID restrictions easing up, I’d like to go out to bars again. I’m rusty on flirting etiquette. Should I have a “pickup line” or wait for a man to make the first move and then hint I’m interested? —Unsure Men do not speak hint. Hinting to […]
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Dense Like Nobody’s Watching
I read your column about why women apologize more than men, and the science makes sense. What you didn’t address is why men don’t admit they’re wrong or apologize. So while women operate according to the survival instincts you described, men oafishly bumble through life without a clue they screwed up and owe someone an […]
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Silence Of The Ma’ams
Silence Of The Ma’ams My girlfriends and I were out for drinks. One was talking about her bad day at work and how she found herself apologizing to her boss (though she wasn’t at fault). The conversation turned to how women are constantly saying “I’m sorry” to everyone: boyfriends, parents, strangers at the supermarket. I […]
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How Do I Shove Thee?, Pouter Struggle
You can’t hold two thoughts in mind or say two things at once
How Do I Shove Thee? I‘m a 31-year-old gay man. I have these intrusive lusty thoughts about my ex, like daily. I’m extremely physically attracted to him, but we just don’t work as a couple and never will. Despite knowing this, I’m having a hard time stopping myself from thinking about him. It’s more of […]
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Buddy Odor
The fact that something has gone on for a while is not reason for it to continue
Buddy Odor I‘m a woman in my mid-20s. In the last year, I’ve noticed that a number of my core friends have begun to exhibit traits and values that I don’t really identify with. I do my best to show up for them, but when I go through a hard time, they don’t seem all […]