Posted inFood & Drink

The Spitter

There are some things that are never OK, for example spitting on the floor in a public place. I make reference to the gentleman on Saturday night who convincingly hucked a huge loogie high into the air so that it landed in a slimy spat in the middle of the bar area. Instantaneously, I told him that he had to leave and when I came round to show him the way out he replied, “I’m not drunk! I haven’t even been drinking.” Which is unfortunate because then he would have an excuse for his absolutely insolent behavior.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had to kick someone out of the bar for spitting on the floor. The other time was many years ago when I had a guy from Oklahoma who kept expectorating on the floor for no apparent reason other than he clearly thought that our wood floor would be more pleasant with a good spit-shine. When I told him that if he hucked on the floor one more time he would have to leave, he quickly proceeded to spit again, as obviously he was accustomed to dribbling as he pleased, much like a slobbering bulldog. On his way out he excused himself by stating he was from Oklahoma. Which don’t get me wrong, we all know that Oklahoma has more than its fair share of rednecks and hicks, however I have never met another Oklahoman who thinks that it is OK to spit inside.

Posted inOpinion

My Dog’s No Outlaw

My dog likes to hike and bike as much as I do. The one-size-fits-all
leash laws punish all for the actions of a few. Not to mention that
putting dogs on-leash does not necessarily quell the worries over
unruly dogs. The dogs that killed Diane Whipple in San Francisco were
on-leash, returning from a walk at the time of the attack.

I propose
that we collaborate on a more sophisticated tiered-licensing system
that separates the Cujos from the Lassies. Incidentally, it could be a
moneymaker for a resource-limited city. I would happily fork over a $50
fee to participate in the system. I'd even volunteer my time if that
would help the city make it happen. It could look something like this:

Posted inCulture

Stealth Wars: Newest Riddick delivers but doesn’t dazzle

Kill, Kill, Kill. Hunter or hunted? I can never tell.

Crawling through tight steel
airducts, hesitating every time I hear a guard's voice, I feel like I
did when I was escaping prison-hunted, fearful and sneaking in order to
stay alive. But when I'm in a dark room with the mercenaries piloting
this ship, who stand unaware as I creep up behind them with my knives
poised to open their throats, I remember that I'm a hunter-one of the
galaxy's greatest monsters.
Like the Metal Gear Solid games, The
Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena is a hybrid game of
action and stealth. Killing and hiding alternate seamlessly as I guide
Riddick, the shaved-headed hero voiced by Vin Diesel, as he attempts to
elude-and eliminate-the mercenaries who captured him after he escaped
his last adventure.

Posted inCulture

Shock Value: High Voltage cranks it up

Shock me baby…all night long.Crank: High Voltage is an adrenalized rollercoaster ride presented in
overtly stylized hyper-surrealism. It's what the remakes of Death Race
and Fast and Furious strived to be.

The original Crank lifted its
concept from the classic D.O.A. starring Edmund O'Brien (re-made later
with Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan). The hitman, Chev Chelios (Jason
Statham), mysteriously poisoned by a "Beijing Cocktail," races against
time to find his perpetrators. If Chev's heart rate slowed down he'd
croak. To keep his adrenaline up, he was off and running, punching
anyone in his path.
This sequel takes up the storyline when
Chev falls from a helicopter. After splattering onto pavement, he is
literally scooped up by some evil Chinese gangsters who want to harvest
his super organs. To keep him alive they transplant a battery powered
heart that needs a charge every hour or so. When they start to harvest
Chelios' well-endowed man part, he spurs back to life and the pummeling
begins. He spends the rest of the film repeatdly jump-starting his
heart any way possible.

Posted inCulture

Just Add Watergate: Political conspiracy thriller is paint-by-numbers, but effective

Journalists? They still have those?Think of all the things that people have seen with great repetition in
their lives but for which we continue to crane our necks to glimpse
again and again: Sunrises, sunsets, windstorms, the aftermath of car
crashes, Seth Rogen movies, etc. In a way, State of Play is the film
version of a sunrise - or at least a good morning coffee. We know
precisely what we're being fed, and that's why we keep coming back for
more.

That being said, State of Play throws enough twists around to
give this daily cup of Joe a pleasant aroma. Adapted from a BBC
television series of the same name, the film stars Ben Affleck as
Stephen Collins, a congressman with a bright future whose office
assistant dies under bizarre circumstances. Russell Crowe plays Cal
McAffrey, a streetwise journalist and old friend of the congressman,
who begins investigating the aide's death and its connection to the
murders of two other people. Things get murky when it turns out the
married Collins and the assistant were having an affair. Still murkier
is that Collins is skewering a private defense contractor at a
congressional hearing, and the defense contractor doesn't like it one
bit. Billions in no-bid contracts could be lost. And when billions are
at stake, lives aren't worth much, so people get killed. Rinse and
repeat, right?

Posted inCulture

Manic Impressive: Rogen’s crazy mall cop is a protagonist we hate to love

Where's Guttenberg and Bobcat?In the Jody Hill-directed comedy Observe and Report, Seth Rogen plays a
bi-polar, egomaniacal security guard who beats up children. So yeah,
Rogen fans can be forgiven if they think their hero is being cast
against type.

But then again, Observe and Report doesn't adhere to
many rules at all. In some ways, it's a drama about a grown-up kid
finding his way through manhood without a father. Then it's a farcical,
slapstick comedy about inept stooges who somehow convinced even more
inept powers-that-be to entrust them with authority. There's a sweet,
romantic subplot involving a pair of underdogs who seem born for each
other. Finally (and most weirdly) it's a vicarious, Chuck Norris-like
action vehicle. Any other day and I'd say that there are too many
movies cooked up in this mess. But each one has such an entertaining
lift, I refuse to be unimpressed.

Posted inCulture

Dog Days: Wendy and Lucy goes existential in Oregon

Auschwitz? No, just Oregon. At first glance Wendy and Lucy seems to revel in simplicity. Wendy
(Michelle Williams) is a girl. Lucy is a dog. Together they seem
inseparable. But what unfolds is an intimate look at a road-weary
girl's predicament and her marooned isolation. Wendy and Lucy is a tale
of things going wrong and the resulting whirlpool of consequences.
Wendy is on her way to Alaska to work at a fish hatchery and en route
gets stranded in Wilsonville, Oregon, losing her dog in the process.
One bad thing leads to another. The irrepressible dent it leaves on
Wendy is mesmerizing to witness.

This movie's realism is almost
painful. Time seems to slow down. This is not nail biting stuff. It's
more like watching laboratory animals squirm. In a weird voyeuristic
effect, the audience is forced to root for her while fighting the urge
to jump in and help. The surrounding characters do their best to steer
Wendy in the right direction, but are too immersed in their own hard
times to get involved. Watching Wendy's big dream getting smaller every
second adds to the calamity. When Wendy's car breaks down it's truly
the car hell we all can relate to.

Posted inMusic

CD Review: William Elliott Whitmore

William
Elliott Whitmore
Animals in the Dark
Anti Records

Authenticity: How do you measure or even capture it? It could be argued that once a musician records their songs some of the true original spirit is already lost. The pure inspiration must be recreated, photocopied for the studio recording session making it difficult to capture the authentic feeling.

Posted inCulture

Speak No Evil: Latest Resident Evil incarnation moves into co-op play

The last Mccain supporters are caught on tape.When the man shuffled around the corner, I knew he was infected. It was
his eyes-flooded with black as though they were bleeding ink. And like
most infected, he was slow. Before he could swing his axe, I braced
myself and trained the laser sight of my pistol in the center of his
forehead-a third, red eye opening in the middle of his black-shot stare.

After
I pulled the trigger, his head exploded in a spurt of gore. A fleshy
tentacle rose from his torso, twisting towards me before splitting open
like a spindly, fleshy flower. Later, I would see even more grotesque
things. Small, winged leathery imps climbing from men's backs,
sloughing off their carcasses like costumes. Giant centipedes
slithering out of men's destroyed heads. Dogs peeled apart like figs,
the strands of their bodies groping towards me.

Posted inCulture

Mingling Polarities: The refreshingly weird world of Tom Monson

Tom Monson wears his art on his sleeve.

Monson at work.

He is a postmodern scavenger, in his words “projecting value onto something un-valuable, like redemptions.” Tom turns kitschy thrift store finds into gems by adding bittersweet Maurice Sendak style characters, often placing them in grievous situations in a humorous way. In “slogan” a small plaque’s original saccharine image is over painted with a simply drawn nude that stares blankly at the viewer, his arm severed on the floor Monty Python style, the words “Win Some, Lose Some” fade into the background behind him. These altered appropriations confront universal emotions, but are also unabashedly autobiographical. Monson’s show at the PoetHouse last November called “Images that Breethe, frum thawts that bur^rn” (misspelling intentional) presented pieces that dealt blatantly with betrayal, hypocrisy and grief. In one piece, “Untitled,” a bright red snake is hacked in pieces and bleeding, X’s for eyes.

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