Dear Dr. Jane,
My wife and I have been married for almost 25 years. Our youngest is graduating high school in June and heading to the dorms. We love each other very much and have a nice connection, but we’re hoping to spice things up a little. We aren’t into anything like swinging or threesomes. My wife has been doing some research about how to increase intimacy later in life and found some information about a tantric sex workshop. The website makes tantric sex sound incredible, but I’m a bit leery. Can you explain what tantra sex is and how this kind of workshop might work? We’re soul mates who love each other and are dedicated to our shared partnership. Thanks for your help.
From, Curious Soul Mates in Bend
Dear Soul Mates,
I’m so glad you wrote to ask me about this. There are many myths surrounding the topic of tantra, and it’s disheartening that the word is sometimes misunderstood as shorthand for wild sex — or even associated with shadowy spirituality.
In truth, tantric practices are designed to help you fall even more deeply in love with your partner and with yourself. One important note: what’s offered in the West is more accurately called “Neo Tantra,” because traditional tantra is quite different from what you’ll find in workshops like the one you mentioned. Neo tantric exercises are designed to bring presence, energy, and deep personal connection to your lovemaking while letting go of performance. They’re powerful tools for releasing insecure thoughts and feelings about physical intimacy.
Neo Tantra focuses clearly on expanded intimacy. Because it prioritizes emotional and spiritual connection, it tends to deepen trust and vulnerability between partners — making it as much an emotional practice as a physical one. This is likely what caught your attention when you described the website as making tantric sex sound incredible. Many of us are looking for exactly this: deeper connection and true intimacy, rather than a mechanical experience that leaves us feeling unsatisfied at a deeper level.
So what is a Neo Tantra workshop, anyway? What might you experience? How can you prepare? And most importantly — is it right for you?
Before attending, the most important step is to establish clear communication and boundaries with your partner. During the workshop, you’ll likely be introduced to many different ways of relating, which might include free-form dancing, breathing together, clothed touch, and close physical proximity.
Always remember: you never need to do anything that feels uncomfortable for either of you. Knowing this allows you to enjoy the experience without unnecessary pressure. These workshops emphasize consent and boundaries very explicitly — more rigorously than in most social settings you’ll ever encounter. Most are non-explicit, focusing on breathwork, eye contact, presence, and partner connection exercises.
If this sounds interesting to you and your wife, look for a workshop with good reviews. It may take place over one or two nights, often in a natural setting. A typical packing list includes comfortable clothing, sarongs, water bottles, and yoga mats. Once there, you can expect to explore:
- Presence exercises: You’ll be encouraged to get out of your head and let go of insecure thoughts or feelings — arriving fully in the moment.
- Breathwork: You’ll learn specific breathing techniques that support every part of the experience.
- Eye contact: You’ll explore and grow comfortable with extended, intentional eye contact.
- Energy connection: You’ll be guided to tune into your own energy and learn how to share it intentionally with your partner.
Attending as a couple can be a powerful bonding experience — a profound path of self-discovery, deeper connection, and emotional healing. And you don’t need a workshop to access these benefits. Even in wonderful, loving relationships, we often carry habits or beliefs about intimacy that quietly get in the way of real presence and meaningful growth. Whether you attend or simply explore these ideas together at home, the intention itself is a beautiful place to start.
You’ve got this.
Xoxo, Dr. Jane
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