Deschutes and Ladders

New construction zones. Road diets and clogged traffic arteries. And then there’re those mother-flipping teenagers on $4000 e-motorcycles.

Not for nothing, the mean streets of Bend will keep you on your toes.

Whether your great-great-great papaw forded the Deschutes River back when it was called Towarnehiooks, or you just moved here from a Bay Area exurb that’s closer to Modesto than San Francisco, driving in Bend is nutso.

Ever play that board game, Chutes & Ladders?

Driving in Bend, circa 2026, is something similar, so let’s call this iteration, “DesChutes & Ladders.” One wrong roll of the dice (or poor prompt by GPS) and you’re quickly driving up and over Awbrey Butte instead of skirting along Mt. Washington Drive. Ninth Street disappears beyond your dashboard; the gain in elevation angles your vision toward
the sky.

Please, lord don’t let a dog run out while AI is recalculating my route

Or, imagine this scenario: You’re returning to Bend southbound via the Parkway. You just learned about the locals’ off-ramp at NW Lafayette Avenue that lets you slip past the County building and into downtown. But the notably abrupt turning lane requires you to chop your speed from 45 MPH (that’s only as fast as you were driving on the parkway, riiight?) to next to nothing. Even the most conscientious drivers have slammed on the brakes, lest they barrel-roll into those idling at the stop sign, waiting to merge.

Best to stick with the off-ramp at Arizona.

That brings us to street names

Portland Avenue, Olney and Penn Avenue and Neff Road are same-same-same…same. Greenwood Avenue is Newport Avenue and so is Shevlin Park Road.

These multinominal streets are only, like, what — 6 miles long?

But the names can be helpful. Shevlin Park Road, for example, takes you to Shevlin Park trailhead. But take Pilot Butte Road to get to Pilot Butte trailhead and you’re lost in the Orchard District.

Back on the west side, let’s discuss the shenanigans along Skyliners Speedway. Yes, Skyliners Road is, apparently, where flybys and engine revs are de rigueur just past supper. That’s when, imaginably, the Jaydens of Northwest Crossing have excused themselves from the dinner table and relieved their rad dads of the keys to the Subaru WRX STIs.

Vvvvv-roooom! Pop POPoOpPoPP

If my 2005 Subaru Outback 2.5i makes any sound resembling those above, I’m immediately pulling over. What’s a timing belt, again? I can’t get into third gear. Notwithstanding, these acoustic blasts ricochet up and down Skyliner road nightly, until around 11 pm. (Presumably, that’s bedtime.)

And, in what would be an unforgivable omission on our imaginary DesChutes & Ladders game board, is the Mt. Bachelor Park & Ride lot. In early September, that was the staging spot for a crew of about 30 teens and pre-teens for a takeover. After receiving multiple calls, cops from Bend Police Department caught up with the gaggle, many of whom were popping wheels and careening through west-side and downtown Bend streets. Three were cited, two for riding e-motos capable of going as fast as 34 MPH without a license, not wearing helmets, among other infractions. The police impounded one bike, which wasn’t street legal, and removed
a stash of bikes connected to the takeover at the request of
a homeowner.

Generation Alpha

But like most things Generation Alpha, these kiddos didn’t invent street takeovers. They’ve been happening in major cities like Portland and Seattle for decades. They’re common in east coast cities like New York and Baltimore, as well.

Yet when presumably affluent teenagers pop wheelies through the intersection of race and class privilege, they deserve to be knocked — figuratively speaking — from their pegs. In passing, dear drivers, give them a wide berth. There’s no telling when an e-moto rider might go rubber side up.

This article appears in High Desert Horsepower, Fall 2026.